GRIEF #1

Bumper sticker wisdom; shit happens !

Taoism - shit happened

Buddhism - if shit happens it isn't really shit

Hinduism - this shit has happened before

Islam - if shit happens it is the will of Allah

Catholicism - shit happens because you deserve it

Judaism - why does shit always happen to us?

We need to turn the shit into manure.

Throughout the ages ancient wisdom has acknowledged the importance and benefits of things negative.

"... In the sweat of your face will you eat bread, until you return to the ground;  out of it you were taken: for dust you are, and to dust you will return." Genesis 

From the time of creation and the Big Bang it has been implicit that there could be no Sacred without Profane, no Positive without Negative, no Light without Dark, no Good without Evil.

"Listen to the cry of a woman in labor at the hour of giving birth - look at the dying man's struggle at his last extremity and then tell me whether something that begins and ends thus could be intended for enjoyment." Kierkegaard

However, the Ancestors teach that we are not made for brokenness and sorrow but for wholeness and joy. Happiness is a choice and it requires being proactive. We have to search for happiness in the dark times within hidden recesses as well as our spiritual resources.

Shed and shie away from what keeps the soul from joy.

If it was not for this play of light and dark life would be insipid - like spiritual diabetes. Everything is a test of our spiritual fortitude.

The truth of suffering,…of the cause of suffering,… of the end of suffering,…and the truth of the path that leads to its end. The Four Noble Truths of the Buddha

Buddhism has remedies for our suffering as do other spiritual traditions.

Pain, Grief, Sorrow ... are a vital a part of the human condition.

"The soul has no rainbow if the eyes have no tears." Native American proverb

Its not what happens to us but what we do with it that counts. Everything is a karmic test.

"Receive with simplicity everything that happens to you."  

"Its all about innocence, joy and sorrow."

Rashi

In other words, trying to maintain a childlike innocence and equanimity in the face of it all. The Dalai Lama seems to have mastered this as have other enlightened beings. For most of us it can be more difficult.

"The wound carries the medicine."  African proverb

Pain is in inevitable, suffering optional.

"Savor! Give yourselves to savoring, even the doubting, even the struggling. Savor it all. You are only to savor it to be worthy of it. It is the way of actualizing." Father Toomey

It's hard to savor the hardships we face but it can be a part of our inner work. Bodhisattvas consider hardship a test of their spiritual practice. Consider pain, grist for the mill. There can be no growth without conflict. We require tension for a measure of perfection.

The Phoenix can rise out of the ashes. Those who have emerged successfully from the bottom of a pit of sorrow will often be more spiritually powerful than those who have been fortunate enought not to have been there. We need to take our suffering and make something useful out of it.

“It must be a poor life that achieves freedom from fear.” Aldo Leopold

There are only two feelings; love and fear. Which one will dominate is a choice. Spiritual transformation is about how we manage fear in our lives. Fear has many faces and comes in a multitude of deceptive guises. How we handle fear can be karmically positive. Embracing love is more powerful but more difficult than submitting to fear.

"Fear not loving while you have a chance. Fear becoming bitter. Fear cynicism. Fear turning to stone. Fear being underwhelmed by everything.

Be fearful and bless others. Be fearful and be merciful. Be fearful and forgive. Be fearful and do. Be fearful and love." Pinkola Estes

Fear is part of the Hero/ine's journey. It requires courage. Courage is to act in the face of fear. If there is no fear, there can be no courage.

“You enter the forest at the darkest point, where there is no path..."


 "The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek." Joseph Campbell

Striving for perfection can be a recipe for misery. There is always a sufficiency of excellence unto itself. True perfection is an impossible goal.

“… don't think this transformation is about having the perfect life or the perfect job or the perfect mate or the perfect marriage or the perfect friendship. This is not about perfection.; it is about wholeness. It is not about having things exactly as we want them, but about having things exactly as they are. When we allow things to be, a sense of harmony develops…”  Adyashanti 

The mind must mind what the mind minds best.

Which mind do we embrace? Monkey or Survival Mind, linked to the Sympathetic nervous system and our Flight, Fight, Freeze or Fain Death response - or Big Mind connected to our Higher Consciousness, creativity, the Field and a Parasympathetic relaxation response.

“Golden verses of Pythagoras speak of storms coming and going. The wise person like the good sailor, knows how to rid them. Unknown 

S/he who sees life as a process of spiritual perfection

 does not fear external events. Tolstoy

"Yield and overcome. Bend and be straight. Empty and be full. Wear out and be new. Have little and gain. Have much and be confused”  Lao Tsu

 

EGO’S TRIAD  #7

FORGIVENESS

“Forgiveness is the most completing gift we can experience for we all have its sweet need…” John O’donahue 

Holding a grudge is not only bad karma but unhealthful. We need to take that albatross off our necks and stop being at war with our grievances and grudges, no matter how hard it may be. 

"I'm gonna lay down my sword and shield down by the riverside, ain't gonna study war no more." African American spiritual song.

“Return” is the key – not in the sense of repentance but rather joyously turning from doubt, suspicion and indifference to trust, hope and love.

Equanimity and spiritual transformation are interdependent. Those committed to a spiritual path are more likely to find inner peace.

Forgiveness and cleaning the slate not only create equanimity but studies have shown that forgiveness can be healthful and may increase T cell counts. Forgiveness and inner peace begin with forgiving ourselves. Once that is done it is easier to forgive others. God, Jesus will forgive us from anything we have done to Him ie. our Higher Self. But outside of that we have to engage personally with those who harmed us or whom we harmed. Cleaning the slate is also key to a peaceful crossing when its time to cross the veil between world at the end of days.

 

Repent with joy

(what we have done to our Selves and to others.)
Forgive with joy

(what others have done to us.)
You are returning to your-Self and are back on the path.

The Prodigal son/daughter returning to the Father/Mother in a state of grace.

On the other hand being cynical, judgmental and holding a grudge can increase pro-inflammatory factors which can cause certain diseases.

“Why do the ancient masters esteem the Tao? Because being one with the Tao, when you seek you find, when you make a mistake you are forgiven. That is why everyone loves it.” 

Lao-Tsu

For many, attachments to sensory pleasures create only temporary happiness. We are here to enjoy, but enjoy responsibly. Being in a sensory body is a gift which we lose when we cross over to the other side. Sensory deprivation is antithetical to our spiritual trajectory and to well-being. We are here to savor the senses and will be held accountable to the extent we did not or did not. However, reveling in the senses without consideration of the consequences is a recipe for addiction, soul sickness, even soul loss and misery. Excesses and addictions to; 'sex, drugs, rock and roll', alcohol, gambling, porn, will compromise health and sabotage equanimity and spiritual transformation.

"Joy is not incidental to one's spiritual path, it is vital." Rev. Nachman

The way to God is through the senses. From the senses will I behold the Creator.

Body-Mind-Spirit cannot be separated. Concerning the body - we do not want to spend most our energy bailing out water from a 'leaky boat' that we have to navigate down the river of life. We need to maintain our bodies to the best of our bodies's abilities for balance and harmony. Yoga has an eight limbed path to enlightenment. Two of these are sensory; asanas (postures), and breath meditation (pranayama.)

THE FALLACY OF PERFECTION

Trying to be perfect - something we may have learned from our parents or elsewhere - can be a recipe for unhappiness. There should always be;

a sufficiency of excellence unto itself.

We need to strive for excellence especially in our spiritual work which should take precedence over most things once the supply lines are guaranteed. There comes a time when perseverating and spending precious energy on a project already well done becomes wasteful. Attempts to get a minimal, relatively meaningless degree of improvement using a maximal amount of one's time can be an unhappy compulsion. True 'Perfection' is an unattainable goal. One can always do something a tiny bit better and it will still never be perfect.

When it comes to enlightenment or Self-realization which may imply a fixed point, the Ancestors prefer the word 'Becoming.' We never get there but can attain a level that can earn us a place amongst other Self-realized beings in the various Enlightened realms.

JOY AND HAPPINESS

SUFFERING, SORROW AND GRIEF #2

Neuroscience is now confirming what the sages - especially Patanjali - have said about 'Mind'. These principles can help us attain equanimity.

The mind must mind what the mind minds best. So which Mind do we or should we choose?

“Serenity is not a passive condition but an undisturbed peace of mind, active and aware which can be 

quiet joy, sometimes ecstatic joy, 

always deep within spirit and light of heart.” 

Father Toomy

There are two principles outlined here which I believe are key to attaining equanimity and balance.

1.

FMRI studies have localized the two minds in the brain that Patanjali described long ago. In modern terms; Monkey Mind or Big Mind. Monkey Mind resides in the primitive brain as indicated in the figure and is where both our primitive and toxic emotions arise. For most of us unless we have a dedicated spiritual practice we default to stress or even Flight or Fight in this area which connects us to our sympathetic survival response. Nothing creative happens here. The only way we get out of Monkey Mind is through some form of relaxation response imbedded in the parasympathetic nervous system, best induced by spiritual practice. We cannot think our way out of it.

On the other hand Big Mind in the prefrontal lobe connects us to either Love of Fear - our only two feelings. This is where our higher consciousness resides. FMRI studies have shown that advanced meditators appear to have more neuronal density in the prefrontal lobe and they default here. Even when there is severe stress they rapidly return to prefrontal lobe activity. This area connects us to the God head, the Field and our guides and is the space of creativity.

To attain equanimity and happiness we need to nurture Big Mind with spiritual knowledge and an effective spiritual practice. In this way we subordinate Monkey to Big Mind, Ego to the Higher Self and our Shadow to our Good Inclination.

Big Mind connects us to the parasympathetic nervous system and inner peace.

2.

Daniel Kahneman, a Nobel prize winner, in describing happiness, defines two Selves; the Experiencing Self and the Remembering Self. Joy has a different energy than happiness and is an exuberant, in the moment, feeling of the Experiencing Self.

He describes the Remembering Self being about our story and how we keep score. Since it is not an in the moment, blissful-like phenomenon like the Experiencing Self, he calls it Synthetic Happiness. He adds that this is part of our psychological 'immune' system. Its the Remembering Self that can make life seem more positive.

This system has a reset point. How the experience ends, will determine the lasting effect – happy or not. If not, he maintains that with redeeming or reframing a negative emotion into a positive one we can end up with a positive feeling - having a conversation with a close friend, a walk on the beach, enjoying a funny movie, etc. One bad aspect of an experience can ruin a satisfactory encounter because that is what is remembered rather than the good parts. The sooner it is redeemed the better. There is wisdom in the statements; never go to bed angry, or when you fall off your horse or bike get back on immediately.

If we imagine ourselves traveling down the river of life in our 'Destiny-Self Boat' we can think of the two banks of the river as representing happiness and joy on one side and suffering, grief and sorrow on the other. We need to stay in the midstream of balance and harmony and remain non-attached to either bank. Its not what happens to us but what we do with it that counts. Every negative experience present an opportunity for spiritual growth. There can be no growth without conflict.

When we bump into the bank of happiness we must be in the present moment with either the Remembering Self or the Experiencing Self but when it’s over, it’s over and we head back into the midstream again. Likewise, when we bump into the bank of suffering we should redeem or reframe the feeling and head back to equanimity's center as soon as possible. This is also the 'Middle Path' of the Buddha. We never set up camp or become attached to either bank. Non-attachment and surrender are key factors when considering our equanimity factor.

Harrison Owens' rule of non attachment can help us. 

Whoever are present are the right people. Whenever it begins is the right time. Whatever happens is the only thing that could have happened. Wherever it happens is the right place.

When it's over - it's over!

This is easier said than done due to the fact that we have memory which imprints our conscious and subconscious. Bad memories can result in P.T.S.D.

In spite of their own high level of consciousness animals do not get P.T.S.D. When a zebra escapes the predatory action of a lion s/he is not harmed psychologically by that thought of that imminent death. He continues being the zebra he always was. For us it's not that simple.

Shed and shie from what keeps the soul from joy. 

 

The tension between the two banks of happiness and sorrow is a template for spiritual perfection while we try to maintain a childlike innocence. In order to navigate our 'boat' skillfully, a dedicated spiritual practice is essential. We need to learn to coexist with but not assimilate the negative experiences. 

It’s a mind game ('a head trip') and the balance resides in how we are managing our spiritual practice.

"Pain is inevitable, suffering optional." Unknown

Ancient wisdom tells us to take our suffering and make something useful out of it. Every bad experience can be alchemized into an opportunity. The Phoenix can rise out of the ashes. Ongoing suffering is more a property of Monkey/Narrow mind and our primitive emotions. Spacious/Big Mind which connects to feelings - either love or fear - dictates that life is a test of our spiritual fortitude.

"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the butterfly calls the beginning." Zen saying

  

 

JOY AND HAPPINESS

vs.

SUFFERING, SORROW AND GRIEF

“A truly wise person is always joyful. The best way to live joyfully is to believe that life was given for joy. When joy disappears, look for your mistake.” Tolstoy

Its all about innocence, sorrow and joy.

“… In the sweat of your face will you eat bread, until you return to the ground; out of it you were taken: for dust you are, and to dust you will return.” Genesis 

The Buddha taught that desire and ignorance were the cause of suffering. Attachments to the same got us evicted from 'Eden' and they also prevent our reentry. Our desirous attachments connected to the self-cherishing ego result in Samsara, the continual cycle of death and rebirth. A spiritual life is the remedy but there are also specific factors that we can all invoke that can help us attain joy and happiness.

“S/he who sees life as a process of spiritual perfection

 does not fear external events.” Tolstoy

 

What we do with our experiences whether sacred or profane, light or dark, evil or good, positive or negative is a test of our spiritual fortitude. There cannot be light without dark, happiness without sorrow. We need tension for perfection - there can be no growth without conflict. Its not what happens to us that counts but what we do with it. Sacred and profane have been present since the beginning and the scriptures say of God;

I create the light and the dark. Choose light!

 

We are continually being tested not about how much we know or how well we perform but our trust, love and faith are always being tested at unexpected times and in often unrecognized guises.

It helps, when under adverse circumstances to try and think of oneself as part of a group of 'spiritual special forces'. That may help us rise to the occasion.

People are like tea bags. You only know how stong they are when you put them in hot water." Unknown

 

“What is the difference between your experience of existence and that of a saint? The saint knows that the spiritual path is a sublime chess game with God and that the Beloved has just made a fantastic move. That the saint is now continually tripping over joy and bursting out in laughter and saying “I surrender!” Whereas my dear I am afraid you still think that you have a thousand moves.” Hafiz

Karmically, we will be accountable to the extent we omitted joy or happiness in our lives. Happiness and gratitude for being in a sentient body is another karmic principle that needs to be fulfilled. We are here to enjoy life fully, but responsibly.

 

 “Joy is not incidental to your spiritual quest, it is vital.”

Rev. Nachman

 

“Everyone will be called to account for all the legitimate pleasures which he or she has failed to enjoy.” Talmud

 

“There is a Chassidic commitment to joy in the world. Joy is not earned, its given and does not require effort, only consent.”

 

Ancient wisdoms teach that we are looking for happiness in the wrong places and that spiritual tools are the route to true happiness. There are many words to describe happiness; 

equanimity, balance, harmony, serenity, security, inner peace, well-being … 

Ancient scriptures also confirm that having meaning in one’s life is key to happiness, as are relationships and giving back. Having meaning is a huge part of being happy.  Meaning is related to why we were put on earth;

"We are here to help others. What on earth others are here for I do not know." W.H. Auden

When we take our suffering and make something useful out of it that makes us happy. We need to take the crap and turn it into manure - grist for the mill.

The worship most pleasing to God is helping others.

Any who bring joy to another, bring joy to God.

This is best done according to Seligman, the father of positive psychology, by using one's core or signature strength to help others.

“Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” H. Thurman

 

Martin Seligman and Carol Ryff – emphasize how having meaning is crucial to well-being. They stress the power of experiencing positive emotions and a sense of flow when we engage with our core or signature strengths. Moreover, that we need to serve something bigger than ourselves in our relationships with others.

These are also the guiding principles of the incorporation phase of the hero’s journey after one integrates our core strength or our own unique archetype or destiny purpose into our work.

“When you find your place where you are, practice begins.” Roshi

 

“… do your work and step back the only way to serenity.”

Tao Te Ching

 

Our destiny archetype is the gift we have been given by the Creator to help heal the planet and correct injustice. The Hero/ines journey is a quest to find that “grail” or at least our 'core' or 'signature' strength so we can return to the tribe or the community and give back.

Unless we are in service to others, we will not endure happiness and the more we focus on ourselves the more miserable we become. This is not an ethical judgment, but a fact of life that is fixed as a default into the fabric of the soul. 

 

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”  Victor Frankl

 

Victor Frankl in his book Mans’ Quest for Meaning describes how he was able to overcome the catastrophic effects of being incarcerated in a Nazi death camp. Frankl also emphasizes how finding meaning in life is the primary, most powerful motivating force in humans. Nelson Mandela, Gandhi and many others remained committed to the profound meaning of their missions even under severe adverse circumstances, abuse and even torture. 

“Once what you are living and what you are doing has for you meaning, it is irrelevant whether you are happy or unhappy. You are content, you are not alone in your spirit, you belong.”
        L. Van der Post 

The safety needs of some of those in the death camps may have been severely threatened but they retained 'meaning' and purpose against all odds. The way a prisoner could imagine his/her future seemed to be the determining factor that counted most. Some imagined seeing a loved one again or being able to complete some mission such as writing a book. Others devoted themselves to helping the inmates. They tended not necessarily to be the physically strongest of those interned but they maintained an attitude of optimism rather than a head down, hopeless, helpless demeanor. They managed to temper anxiety, apathy, depression, detachment, desperation and dejection. 

 

”SHe who has a why to live for, can bear almost any how.”

 Friedrich Nietzsche

Life is short. We are here to enjoy the moment and give service, to help others to enjoy it too - karma yoga.

“Let your life dance lightly on the edges of time like dew on the top of a leaf.” Tagore