FINDING HAPPINESS IN DARK TIMES #2
We are continually being tested - not about how much we know or how well we perform but that our trust, our love and our faith are being always tested at unexpected times in often unrecognized guises… The Ancestors
Mahatma Gandhi described seven factors that will destroy us, and also, paradoxically, can also account for misery:
Wealth without work ("Where there is too much, something is missing - the disguise of plenty." Kelley.)
Pleasure without conscience.
Knowledge without character.
Commerce without morality.
Science without humanity.
Worship without sacrifice.
Politics without principle
We could add a few more; climate change and pandemics as well as loss of a job, a loved one or health. It really is a mind trip - do we want to be in the survival mode of monkey mind, shadow and ego or in growth-transformational space of spacious mind, our good inclination and the higher Self?
The mind must mind what the mind minds best (mostly survival.) The Ancestors
Spacious mind with spiritual practice is a just "referee."
We might have the right intention but it will be difficult to "think" (monkey mind) our way out of it without some method of going inwards. Spiritual practice which facilitates spacious mind will allow us to maintain equanimity. Life teaches us to take our suffering and make something useful out of it. Turn the excrement into manure – grist for the mill. The thing that works best is helping others.
"We are here to help others. What others are here for I do not know.'" Arden
Rise like a Phoenix out of the ashes. Every bad experience can be alchemized into an opportunity. Furthermore, anyone that rises out from the bottom of the barrel of sorrow has the potential to be more spiritually powerful than those who have been fortunate enough to have not been there. When we are knocked down and get up with zeal for the next challenge - if it did not kill us - it will make us stronger. We see this again and again in the archetype of the hero/ine. We should not be ashamed we have been in the bottom of a pit if we have climbed out and can start anew with the potential of that experience ...
Sometimes it's better to experience the learning, than to just learn about someone else's experience.
Barry Schwartz in describing happiness defines two selves; the
Experiencing Self and the Remembering Self.
Joy has a different energy than happiness and is an exuberant, in the moment, sensory feeling of the Experiencing Self.
On the other hand Schwartz describes the Remembering Self as being about our story and how we keep score. Since it is not in the moment exuberance like that of joy attained by the Experiencing Self he calls it Synthetic Happiness.
He adds that this is part of our psychological “Immune System."
This system has a Reset Point.
He emphasizes that
how the experience ends, will determine the ultimate effect - happy or not!
He maintains that with redeeming or reframing a negative emotion into a positive one we can end up with a happy feeling. For instance; having a conversation with a close friend, a walk on the beach, enjoying a funny movie, never going to bed angry etc.
One bad aspect of any experience can spoil everything - that is what is remembered. The sooner it is redeemed the better.
He adds that during the first few years of life with the right parenting skills, even the effects of poverty can be overcome with love that embraces bed time stories and a balanced routine. In other words the parents are continually adjusting the Reset Point to achieve a better Synthetic Happiness. Without this the toxic effects of poverty will prevail.
Finland's goal for schooling is to nuture happy children and it manifests early on in their schooling. Denmark is said to be the happiest country probably because of a similar schooling concept and lack of poverty. Everyone has their needs taken care of. This is vastly different to the system in the U.S.A. The American dream leaves many behind. Some countries are aware of this and are attempting to make appropriate social adjustments.
RENEW
REFRAME
A.S.A.P.
Shed and shie from what keeps the soul from joy. The Ancestors
This also means avoiding dark movies or negative energy TV.
The sages teach that without the sacred there is no mundane and without the mundane there is no sacred.
They are different sides of the same reality.
They are unique but not separate from the whole.
The tension between the two banks of the river of life is a template for spiritual perfection residing between the sacred and the profane while we still maintain our equilibrium. In order to navigate our “boat” well a dedicated spiritual practice is essential for being non-attached.
Harrison Owens gives practical advise on non-attachment.
Living virtuously and also having meaning in one's life are essential for happiness. Hence Gandhis criteria for self-destruction are also those for a lack of well-being because they negate being virtuous.
Meaning
“Once what you are living and what you are doing has for you meaning, it is irrelevant whether you are happy or unhappy. You are content, you are not alone in your spirit, you belong.”
L. Van der Post
Viktor Frankl was a holocaust survivor who never relinquished his grasp of meaning nor his sense of equanimity in the death camps. It is interesting to note that the ones who did best in the camps were not necessarily the toughest and the strongest physically but those who had something to look forward to that gave them meaning; a book to write, a loved one to reconnect with.
Nelson Mandela and Gandhi remained committed to the profound meaning of their missions even under severe adverse circumstance. The safety needs of these individuals and others may have been threatened but they retained "meaning" and purpose against all odds.
Seligman and Ryff the father and mother of positive psychology agree that meaning is an essential ingredient in well-being.
They also emphasize experiencing positive emotions and a sense of flow (also called superfluidity) when we engage with our core strengths. They stress serving something bigger than oneself in relationship to others. These are also the guiding principles of the incorporation phase of the hero’s journey. Schwartz's work helps us neutralize negative emotions
“When you find your place where you are, practice begins.” Roshi
“… do your work and step back the only way to serenity.” Tao Te Ching
Seligman’s core strength is also our unique archetype – the gift we have been given by the Creator so that we can help heal the planet and correct injustice. The Hero/ines journey is a quest to find that grail so we can return to the tribe or the community and give back.
Unless we are in service to others, we will not endure happiness and the more we focus on ourselves the more miserable we become. This is not an ethical judgment, but a fact of life that is fixed as a default into the fabric of the soul. D. Cumes (Africa in My Bones)
No matter how small the "cup or container" we have been granted by the Creator is for our destiny and our core strength …
“The outward work can never be small if the inward one is great, and the outward work can never be great if the inward is small or of little worth... All works are surely dead if anything from the outside compels you to work. Even if it were God himself compelling you to work from the outside, your works would be dead. If your works are to live, then God must move you from the inside, from the innermost region of the soul - then they will really live. There is your life and there alone you live and your works live.”
Meister Eckhart
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