THE FEAR OF ISOLATION 

“The greatest pain on earth is not the pain of poverty and hunger but the feeling of isolation.”  Mother Teresa

The United State of America has been founded on the strength of the individual - memorialized in song and also in Ayn Rand’s novels.

“I am a rock, I am an island. And a rock knows no pain and an island never cries.“ Paul Simon

This is antithetical to the Southern African Bantu principle of Ubuntu.

 “I am only a person through other persons.”  Bishop Tutu

Ubuntu has distinct human advantages. It asks for help and it helps others whether they ask for it or not. Ubuntu is grateful for assistance and advice. 

“Because it presupposes debt and dependency self-reliant Americans tend to scrutinize anger, resentment, happiness, and romantic love rather than have gratitude.” Robert Solomon

This can lead to isolation. American self-reliance supposes that “I can work this out myself” and asking for help may be a sign of weakness. This does not exclude them giving help but rather having difficulty asking or receiving it. Possibly some are more reluctant to give help assuming that others have the same self-reliant attitude. Having gratitude is key to equanimity and happiness. 

Gratitude implies we are capable of asking to receive as well as being able to receive graciously. 

Research on gratitude shows amazing results. Those who adopted a gratitude practice became happier, helped others and paid things forward amongst many other benefits. Paying forward and charitable acts can be amazingly helpful in alleviating those suffering from isolation. It may help them to feel less isolated. Isolation can preclude the benefits of gratitude and human interaction and aggravate itself. One sometimes needs to reach out to the sufferer in spite of any perceived reticence on their behalf. Paying forward recognizes that one has already been given something that was helpful. We should reach out to those suffering isolation for its own sake even if it is just a kind word or a comforting touch. For those who have difficulty with spiritual practice, a gratitude practice can help oneself as well as others. Those in states of isolation also need to take their suffering and make something useful out of it by reaching out to others in some way. This will cause less fear and more happiness. Covid has created excessive states of isolation and fear in societies especially it seems in the United States. Isolation and shame are often closely connected.

 

THE FEAR OF SHAME

“No matter how you stir a pot of filth it is always a pot of filth. Better to let the pot be and string pearls for the sake of heaven.”                                           Chassidic saying

Shame was also discussed in November last year but since it is so pernicious I will give a shorter version in relation to it creating morbid fear often eliciting a survival flight or fight response. Shame can be a crippling emotional force . Guilt and remorse are feeling bad about what we did. Shame and sometimes guilt can be feeling bad about who we are. We all have misgivings about what we did, what we didn't do, what we should have done but did not, what we could have done better and what was done to us. We all do bad things but that does not make us bad. We are responsible for but are not our actions. Belief that you are bad and belief you are out of control makes you more so!  Most things can be easily corrected by forgiving ourselves (treating ourselves as we would a good friend,) forgiving others and asking for forgiveness of others. It is relatively easy in most situations to clean the slate. When it comes to shame it is different. 

“Shame is the swampland of the soul.” C.J. Jung

"And if your friend does evil to you, say to him, I forgive you for what you did to me, but how can I forgive you for what you did to yourself?”  Nietzsche

If we have abused ourselves as in our higher Self by allowing ego and shadow to run rampant we may require help from outside such as a rehabilitation or twelve step program.

“Never yield to weariness of spirit. Sometimes the world’s cares and distractions will intrude and the spirit will become weak. At times like this carry on and soon the spirit will become strong again. God’s spirit is always with you to replenish and renew... When you are overcome by temporary conditions which you cannot control keep quiet and wait for the power of spirit to flow back.” 
Twenty-Four Hours a day. 

("the little black is the first and foremost meditation book for anyone practicing the Twelve Steps of A.A.)

The soul and the body are meant to be as one. When the body submits to unskillful and toxic, sentient pleasures or the wrong rules of life the soul begins to separate from its home, the body, leading to soul sickness. If what is done is abhorrent, such as a murder, the soul can divorce itself from the body leading to soul loss. Soul sickness or loss, which is less common, can occur due to a multitude of causes that we have done to ourselves or by abuse from others. These include drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, trauma, sickness, fatigue loss of job, health or loved one, debilitating grief, burn out and isolation. Intrusive spirits, energetic pollution and witchcraft perpetrated by others on oneself can do the same. Sustaining severe abuse – physical, sexual or even emotional from others or dabbling in witchcraft, sorcery, malignant cults, gangs or Satanism can also cause soul loss.

There is always hope and help if tackled head on. This requires going into the fear and pain rather than pushing it aside.

“The wound carries the medicine.” African Proverb

“May you have the commitment to know what has hurt you. To allow it to come close to you and in the end become one with you.”        Prayer of Finton

“I saw grief drinking a cup of sorrow and called out, it tastes sweet, does it not? 'You've caught me, grief answered, and you've ruined my business. How can I sell sorrow, when you know it's a blessing'?” Rumi

The only way out of this toxic spiral is through it or the pain will be projected onto and harm others. Hatred of oneself easily translates into envy, malice and anger towards our fellow humans and even our domestic beings. Any catastrophe can be turned into a blessing. Its not what happens to us but what we do with it that counts.

“If we do not transform our pain, we will most assuredly transmit it.” Richard Rohr

The voice of shame is invisibility, silence, secrecy and self-judgment. Brene’ Brown

The sufferer needs to come out of hiding and talk it out with someone or a skillful group one can trust. This requires being vulnerable which can create fear. Being vulnerable is emotional courage, not weakness and a love, rather than a fear vibration. A rehabilitation program can provide acknowledgment and emotional support where others voice similar unskillfulness. If the shame has arisen from any form of abuse the Self-blame must be shifted to where it belongs. The suffering may be activated at times but becomes manageable.

“The soul has no rainbow if the eyes have no tears.”                  Native American wisdom

 “Bring your sister grief by the hand and tell her to come and sit by the fire with you. Grief gives special honor to your losses and her tears are precious jewels that can be strung on strands of memory to be worn with pride and beauty by one’s spirit.”
Mpofu’s grandmother