FINDING HAPPINESS IN DARK TIMES #6

"Shame is the swampland of the soul." Jung

 One cannot talk about forgiveness without discussing shame.

Shame and guilt can occur even if we have done nothing wrong. Shame may stem from some sort of abuse either early or later in life. It can lead to soul sickness and even soul loss. 

Shame occurs early if a child is continually put down and humiliated especially if this is associated with the emotion of disgust. The child believes that they were born a mistake and are no good for anything. They feel unheard, unseen and unsafe due to lack of love and attention. They also fear abandonment.

Later on in life (and early too) it can be due to any form of abuse, physical, sexual (including voyeurism) or emotional.

The only way out - is going through it. Since …

“If we do not transform our pain, we will assuredly transmit it.”

R. Rohr 

It is critical for the sufferer to come out of hiding.

This requires vulnerability which in turn takes a lot of courage. In our culture - to be vulnerable is to be weak - when it is really the opposite. The courage to be imperfect can lead to kindness and compassion which in turn can heal the shame. It is essential not to become stuck in damaging self-criticism. A 12 Step program can be of great assistance where one receives love, acknowledgement and support. Humiliation, the ugly cousin of shame, aggravates the shame.

Due to a lack of self-worth, monkey mind and shadow take control

- at worst leading to hatred, malice, a desire for vengeance and addictions or -

 to unskillful desires, habits, impulses and compulsions.

The person might overact to give the impression of normalcy.  This can also lead to perfectionism to find some measure of control. Sometimes two personas are developed; a public and a private self. Anger becomes a state of being, projecting blame. Numbness and addiction often fill the emptiness inside. In the case of sexual abuse it may lead to promiscuity or alternatively to an eating disorder in an attempt to look unattractive. There is a tendency to shut down and an inability to respond to others.

Shamanic techniques can help to restore the soul and bring balance. The soul and body should be at one with one another. Unskillful behavior toxic to the soul's purity (the soul is indivisible and pure) may cause the soul to separate from the body. This can cause soul sickness or even soul loss. Psychotherapy alone may not be enough to bring the soul back into the body and allow for self-forgiveness. A skillful shaman and a diligent spiritual practice can help Spacious Mind subordinate Monkey mind and restore the ego's rightful place.

The good news is that a person who has crawled out of the bottom of the barrel has the potential to be much more powerful than one who has not been so severely challenged.

The right sound and music can be a powerful tool... 

The Ancestors

Credo Mutwa an incredibly powerful Zulu sangoma and sanusi (prophet) once said to me, 

"with the right sound one can cure anything."

Next week's blog will cover some of these factors that release happy molecules from our brains.

Click to highlight and play 

15_Do_Not_Bend.mp3