THE FEAR OF HAVING NO MEANING

“Once what you are living and what you are doing has for you meaning it is irrelevant whether you are happy or unhappy. You are content, you are not alone in your spirit, you belong.”                       L. Van der Post

Sadly, many or even most of us end up doing what we believe our parents, our friends, our peers, our teachers and society says we should do. We are also driven by survival instincts which demand we do work we do not enjoy to sustain ourselves. 

“You enter the forest at the darkest point, where there is no path.
There is a way or path, it is someone else’s path.
You are not on your own path.
 If you follow someone else’s way, you are not going to realize your potential. It takes courage to do what you want 
Other people have a lot of plans for you. Nobody wants you to do what you want to do. They want you to go on their trip...” 
 Joseph Campbell

It is exceedingly difficult to march to sound of the drum that we want to beat even if we know what sound that is or should be. 

“If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.”  Thoreau

Martin Seligman and Carol Ryff, well known positive psychologists, emphasized how having meaning in one’s life is critical to well-being. Part of this meaning is to serve something bigger than oneself. Buddhism teaches that service to others brings happiness, joy and gratitude. It is true that unless we are in service to others, we will not endure happiness and the more we focus on ourselves the more miserable we become.
 This is not an ethical judgment, but a fact of life that is fixed as a default into the fabric of the soul. 

The self-esteem movement in California in the 60’s was a failure. The children who grew up with these principles performed less well instead of better, had far more depression and even an increased risk of suicide. Self-esteem with a small s is entirely different to Self-Worth. Self-esteem which is essentially fear induced can be associated with narcissism, self-enabling and an increased rate of depression and suicide. Self-absorption does not bring happiness or well-being since one is always in the lower chakras that are centered around fear. Self- compassion aligns with Self-worth and generates less negative emotions.  

“…Each soul makes two agreements upon entering the world. The first binds the individual to a distinct destiny that becomes the soul’s great project in life. 

The second entangles each person in the limitations of fate and responsibilities for family and community. While all second agreements can be renegotiated, the first is non-negotiable.”    Michael Meade

Most of us get entangled in the second one.

“Everyone has in him something Divine, something his own, a chance of perfection and strength, however small, a sphere which God offers him to take or refuse. The task is to find, develop and use it.”
Sri Aurobindo

There is a distinct difference between fate and destiny. Fate usually arises out of the cards we are dealt in life and how we handle them. Some have a much worse "hand" than others but even the ones who are blessed with favorable cards will have challenges, though different. The former arises out of necessity, the latter out of having too much and what to do with the plethora of temptations around ego, monkey mind and the shadow.

Destiny is that gift given to us by the Creator that no one else can really do as well. This is given so we can enhance life for others and the planet and is not meant to be kept for oneself. Most of us do not know what that is, the lucky ones do. However, they too will be challenged by doing their task with integrity and if they are driven by wants instead of need.

Seligman urges us to find our core or signature strengths and use those to achieve a "sense of flow or fluidity." These core strengths are frequently aligned with our unique destiny. Seligman also devised remedies for Learned Optimism to counter fear based Learned Helplessness of which meaninglessness is a symptom.

“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.” 
Winston Churchill

Pessimism which also usually related to fear is not helpful is often not helpful. Optimists function better and although pessimists are often “right,” maybe at the same time they are also creating their own reality.

 “The optimist, by his superior wisdom and insight, is making his own heaven, and in the degree, he makes his own heaven, is he helping to make one for all the world beside. The pessimist, by virtue of his limitations, is making his own hell, and in the degree that he makes his own hell is he helping to make one for all mankind.”                Ralph Waldo Trine

“Tis nothing good or bad but thinking makes it so.” Shakespeare

I am the happiest man alive. I have that in me that can convert poverty to riches, adversity to prosperity and I am more invulnerable than Achilles; fortune hath not one place to hit me.” Sir Thomas Brown 1642

.. The soul becomes dyed with the color of its thoughts
…
If you are distressed by anything external, the pain (fear) is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.” 
 MarcusAurelius

The hunt for one’s destiny is the hunt of our lives - keep to the scent - stay on the spoor.

Finding one’s destiny is at the heart to the hero’s journey which is also a search for meaning. The journey helps us to face our fears and conquer them. There is fear in not knowing who we are and hence committing to the journey, fear in undertaking the journey and fear that we will not succeed in the Incorporation phase and finding our purpose on earth. All this also has to do with healing of meaning . When we work and perform well we appreciate ourselves and others appreciate us which brings equanimity. We need to take our suffering and our own unique talents and make something useful out of them both.

“Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” H. Thurman

 “Striving to find meaning in life is the primary, most powerful motivating and driving force in humans.” V. Frankl

Frankl, in his book Man’s Search for Meaning, examines how prisoners imagined their future in the Nazi death camps and made some profound observations. He describes how those (like Nelson Mandela, Gandhi and others) - who suffered much but remained committed to the meaning of their future missions, did better even under severe adverse circumstances. They were more optimistic and tended to focus on helping others instead of submitting to fear. They were able to imagine a time when things would look less diabolical and looked forward to something like writing a book or seeing a loved one again. The physically stronger inmates often did not survive as well as did some of the  stronger emotional but physically weaker ones. The safety needs of these individuals may have been threatened but they retained "meaning" and purpose against all odds.