SOUL SICKNESS AND SOUL LOSS #2

Shame, Severe Guilt and Self-Condemnation 

 

“Shame is the swampland of the soul.” C.J. Jung

When ego, monkey mind and shadow predominate they can induce us to misbehave and create severe body, mind and spirit dysfunction causing Soul Sickness or in severe circumstances Soul Loss. When we condemn ourselves severely and lastingly shame results. Shame can come from within from self-abuse - (committing a crime, “sex drugs, rock and roll” etc.)  It can also occur from without because of one or other form of severe abuse from another or others early or late in life. There are also other causes for shame.

Sometimes, depending on its severity, aggravated guilt can lead to shame. Shame is about feeling bad about who one is rather than only one’s actions. We all do bad things but this does not make us bad. We are responsible for, but are not our actions, and should not magnify them. We need to release ourselves from what we are not accountable and shift the blame to where and whom it belongs. Shame can occur even if we have done nothing wrong. No one is perfect.

"To err is human, to forgive divine."

When non-toxic – guilt or shame can also help us self-correct. Otherwise it can be a crippling emotional force which can be aggravated by humiliation and isolation. It cuts us off from our higher consciousness and puts the brain in lockdown, survival mode cutting us off from our higher consciousness. We are responsible for but are not our actions. Guilt and shame may decrease self-motivation and control. Belief that one is bad and out of control makes one more so!  This may lessen accountability and cause more dysfunction. This “dis”-ease can cause depression and even disease. Shame and guilt also increase proinflammatory factors which can increase the incidence of certain illnesses. 

Severe shame can also have acute physical effects including a lowered head, downcast eyes, voice alteration and a slack posture. Sometimes when politicians, who have a measure of conscience, know they are telling shameful lies, their speech falters and their voice cracks.

Flushing due to our sympathetic autonomic response can also occur and is more intense than flushing. It can extend to the ears, neck and upper chest and over more of the body, Severe blushing can make it difficult for the person to feel comfortable in either social or professional situations. 

Attachment theory states that a strong emotional and physical attachment to at least one primary caregiver is critical to personal development early on in life. Abused children can feel unseen, unheard, unsafe, un-soothed and insecure. Shame can occur early in life if a child is continually put down and humiliated by a toxic caregiver, especially if this is associated with the emotion of disgust. The child believes that they were born a mistake and are no good for anything. Abandonment can also be due to the child being forced to take care of the caregive's physical and emotional needs. 

 Shame can be due to any form of abuse, physical, sexual (including voyeurism) or emotional. Humiliation aggravates the shame. Shame can turn inward or outward leading to unskillful desires, habits, impulses, compulsions, hatred, anger, vengeful actions, malice and addictions.

“Malice sucks up the greater part of her own venom and poisons herself.”  Michel de Montaigne

 

The child dreads the possibility of being abandoned. This may lead to perfectionism to find some measure of control and avoid criticism or bodily harm. As they mature they might overact to give the impression of normalcy.  Appearing to be invulnerable is also a method of defense. Sometimes two personas are developed; a public and a private one. Anger may become a state of being, projecting blame onto others. Numbness, mood disorders and addictions often fill the emptiness inside. 

“If we do not transform our pain we will most assuredly transmit it.” R. Rohr

Sexual abuse may lead to promiscuity or alternatively to an eating disorder in an attempt to appear unattractive. There is a tendency to shut down and an inability to respond to others. 

In the adult, shame can come from any form of severe abuse. There may be abuse from a partner, a would be “guru,” a dysfunctional priest, religious, spiritual or occult cults, etc. 

The Soul is pure and can be redeemed by corrective measures. The soul and body should be allowed to “return” to one another. Psychotherapy alone may not be enough to bring the soul back into the body and allow for self-forgiveness. A skillful shaman and a diligent spiritual practice can help Spacious Mind to subordinate shadow and Monkey mind and restore ego to its rightful place. 

 

The voice of shame is self-judgment, silence, secrecy and invisibility. Brene’ Brown

  

“The wound carries the medicine.” African proverb

 

The only way out of it is through it. Restoring self-love and self-worth can be difficult. Being invulnerable is the enemy of shame. Being vulnerable is to be courageous which implies having the courage to be imperfect and to come out of the closet of shame. To have compassion and empathy for oneself – to treat oneself as one would a good friend. It requires not being stuck in damaging self-talk and self-blame. 

Empathy from a kind, skillful friend, witness or therapist who will listen to one's pain is key.  This is a seminal principle in rehabilitation or recovery programs where one shares one’s dysfunctions with a group in a safe, secure empathetic environment. 

 

“Shame cannot survive being spoken. Find someone you trust and tell them how you’re feeling. Talking with a trusted person will give you a fresh perspective on what’s happening, which will challenge the spiral’s negative views.” Brene’ Brown

 

Treat oneself as one would a good friend. To forgive and love oneself and even have enough compassion to forgive those responsible for the pain. The latter can be excruciating but healing. It is well to remember that they were probably victims of similar circumstance and also that karma will reconcile all grievances. 

 

Be patient with yourself, kind to yourself and, above all, release yourself from what you are not accountable.

The treatment of abused children is more challenging. See next blog.