FORGIVENESS #3

“In every person there is something precious which is in no-one else. And so we should honor each for what is hidden within them for what only they have.” Talmud

GRANTING OTHERS FORGIVENESS

It is all about cosmic union. Go forward with forgiveness which is essential to substance and joy.

“Great are the righteous for they transform judgment into compassion.” Genesis Raba 33.3

REASONS FOR GRANTING FORGIVENESS

“When a deep injury is done to us, we never recover until we forgive.” Alan Paton

Forgiveness is healthful

Research has shown that forgiveness can enhance our immune systems. It is may be more beneficial for the one doing the forgiveness even than the one receiving it. Cynicism on the other hand increases our pro-inflammatory factors which can cause various diseases.

Turn the other cheek

If we cannot embrace the other, do not think to embrace God.

We need to respond positively if at all possible. If we respond negatively we inherit his/her energy and loose our power. 

It's not about them it's about you. Be compassionated. Imagine them changing for the better.

Make of your opponent, a dance partner.

“The way you see people is the way you treat them, and the way you treat them is what they become.” Goethe 

Granting forgiveness is good karma, holding a grudge - not.

Our judgments, thoughts, feelings and actions all have connections not just in the material world but in the spiritual realm. The spiritual influences the material. We invite, support, encourage or exclude, reject, discourage and 

forgive or hold a grudge …

IT IS USEFUL TO CONSIDER THE FOLLOWING ...

Was it intentional?

Is there a unique cultural issue?

Was it real/true or was one in a negative receptive space at the time and are we projecting?

Forgiveness is focused on the degree to which we are holding our anger. It is an internal process totally dependent on us where negative feelings are released. Only we can release our negative feelings, though other people and situations can inspire. 

 Consider whether reconciliation is possible or even desirable. Reconciliation goes beyond forgiveness. Do not feel that you must reconcile with a person whom you have forgiven for a hurt. You do not have to embrace someone who has done something despicable. 

You can keep it secret if you want, there is no necessity to reveal what transpired.

It is critical to forgive or ask forgiveness from our loved ones or those close to us, and clean the slate before death. This will be dealt with in the next blog. 

ASKING FOR FORGIVENESS

“Iniquities are etched upon our bones such that traces remain even when God forgives. 

One must acknowledge and confess the wrongdoing to have the stain cleansed and the record removed.“ Ezekiel

The circumstances may vary as follows.

Minor/Petty 

If you have been incorrectly perceived as doing wrong by someone, you can still offer an apology for any hurt caused without owning any culpability. The hurt to that person can be real.

Significant

Offense given concerning anyone's religion, traditions or belief systems or social issues that divide.

Any time one may have caused; anger, resentment, sadness, grief or pain needlessly.

Critical

 Factors leading to adverse affects on another's

life, limb, organ or function. 

Those affecting someone's livelihood or finances.

Adultery.

Any time one may have shattered someone's ego causing shame and humiliation.

In letting go of a grievance, forgiveness is to return to the Self more completely than before.

Return  is the key … joyously turning from doubt, suspicion and indifference to trust, hope and love. 

Repent with joy, forgive with joy. You are returning to your-Self and are back on the path.

According to Maimonides the great sage, the following steps are required when asking for forgiveness in order to neutralize our karmic sins. 

Admit to and truly “feel” regret or remorse about the wrongfulness.

Say so to the offended one or ones, and if necessary, in public.

 Apologize without any attempt to rationalize or self-justify.

Restore what has been lost if possible or compensate.

Determine never to repeat it. Also decide on how the event could have been managed more skillfully. 

When asking for forgiveness allow the other to be where they are. Your regrets may not be accepted especially if you cannot repair the damage or compensate. At least show willingness to do so. If done with good intent it should unite and not divide. 

 Whether accepted or not it will be of benefit. Even if one has not been forgiven it will improve one's state of being by releasing a stain on one's soul.

"What you give to if not received is still not lost. Not getting back what you give and or not having what you give being received – neither way is a waste or loss.”

John O'donahue

 According to Maimonides the damaged party should forgive the perpetrator before Divine forgiveness is granted. If forgiveness is rejected it is best to try again.  After another refusal, the person is no longer held accountable for that action as s/he has proven their true regret. The person who will not accept a sincere apology after these requests, however, becomes guilty of bearing a grudge.

THE SEARCH FOR THE SELF 

 NAVIGATING THE APOCALYPSE 

 FORGIVENESS #2

GRANTING OUR SELVES FORGIVENESS !

Forgiveness of Self and Atonement for what we have done to our Higher Selves. 

God is a persistent lover wooing us with many pleasures, lavishing endless grace, wanting our delight, hoping for our trust.

The Self is pure but often polluted by our primitive desires. We need to forgive ourselves to recover that purity. This is also the parable of the prodigal son or daughter returning to the Creator in wholeness.

God is not a test of love, God's love is not a test. 

(Karma is the test.)

Self-Forgiveness can often be the most difficult in cases where there has been shame or severe guilt from abusive actions one has experienced from others or another or those that one has done to one's-Self.

“…care about people’s approval and you will be their prisoner…” Tao Te Ching

"…you are accepted by the sun, you are accepted by the moon, you are accepted by the trees, you are accepted by the ocean, you are accepted by the earth. What more do you want?
You are accepted by this whole universe. Rejoice in it!” Osho

“Everybody feels inferior in some way or other. And the reason is that we don’t accept that everybody is unique. There is no question of inferiority or superiority. Everybody is just one of his kind - comparison does not arise. 
The moment you accept yourself as you are, without any comparison, all inferiority, all superiority, disappears. In that total acceptance or yourself you will be free from these complexes - inferiority, superiority. Otherwise you will suffer your whole life....


Just be yourself, that is enough… Osho

However, we do need to scrutinize what have we done to our Selves but with Self-compassion which creates Self-worth - never with

Self Condemnation. 

Sometimes we have regrets about things that we have failed to do rather than negative acts that could incriminate us. These "pebbles of regret" can weigh us down and must also be released. They can also cause guilt and shame and depending on the circumstances, "survivor's guilt."

We need to understand that Self-worth, which has to do with soul work, is not the same as self-esteem which refers to the small self implying pride - a recipe for narcissism.

(California's self-esteem movement in the 60's had the opposite effect to what had been intended. Later in life those children performed less well, mostly because they had been misguided about their abilities by undeserved praise. They had a greater incidence of depression as well as suicidal tendencies.)

We are all worthy of respect and an unconditional positive regard for our Higher Selves. In other words U.S.A. Universal Self-acceptance not only for our own True Self but also that of others.

Self-condemnation strengthens shame and guilt which is a huge impediment on the path of Self-transformation. It puts the brain in lock down mode, cutting us off from our prefrontal lobe and higher consciousness. We then default to our primitive brain's survival mode which is linked to the sympathetic nervous system, flight or fight, and even freeze and 'feign' death (panic.)

Feeling bad about ourselves can lead to more "badness." We are responsible for but are not our actions.

As you think it so it can be. As you believe it so it will be.

“Self condemnation strengthens guilt which is one of the greatest obstacles on the path of realization.”

Sri Swami Rama

Be patient with yourself, kind to yourself and release yourself from what you are not accountable.

An unconditional regard for ourselves reduces anxiety, depression and increases happiness, optimism, positive emotions and Self worth. U.S.A. does not imply enabling or condoning unskillful behavior. We have to recognize when we have done wrong and make amends.

Asking for forgiveness must begin with genuine remorse and regret for what we have done. Remorse is when you feel bad about 

what you did

Unremitting guilt or worse shame is when you feel bad about 

who you are 

and has no place in Self-worth

We need to substitute regret or remorse for our guilt or shame.

"Shame is the swampland of the soul." C.G. Jung 

Shame is a crippling emotional force.

"Shame is more than a word or a noun. Shame is a voice ... If we are not careful we can allow shame to speak toxic words deep into our vulnerable souls ... Shame is a ruthless voice, an inner critic of all things detrimental and damaging ... C.G. Jung 

"The voice of shame is invisibility." Bren'e Brown

“Shame cannot survive being spoken.” Bren'e Brown

 The only way out of it is through it. One needs to come out of hiding and talk it out with someone trustworthy and compassionate. This may require some form of rehabilitation program. 

One can have shame without having done anything wrong. The wrong has been perpetrated by another. We need to shift the blame to where it belongs.

 

THE SEARCH FOR THE SELF #7

NAVIGATING THE APOCALYPSE

THE SEARCH FOR THE SELF 

 NAVIGATING THE APOCALYPSE 

Spiritual laws are operative whether or not we understand them or can explain them or whether or not we even know about them or believe in them. 

The Contents of these several Blogs are below. These are to delineate the crucial factors in the Search for the Self. The Brown color delineates what has been done so far.

ABSOLUTE  SPIRITUAL TRUTHS

THE SEARCH FOR THE SELF

SELF-REALIZATION or  (“BECOMING”)

FREE WILL

IMPERMANENCE AND NON-ATTACHMENT

KARMA’S FIVE PRECEPTS 

SOUL ARCHITECTURE

THE THREE DEADLY SINS OF KARMA 

 THE THREE DEADLIEST SINS OF KARMA

THE HERO/INE vs. THE WARRIOR ARCHETYPE

THE HEALING OF MEANING

DEATH - THE FINAL JOURNEY

SPIRITUAL PRACTICE – "FIELD" – SPIRIT GUIDES

GRATITUDE

LOVE - FORGIVENESS 

ENERGY SYSTEMS

LOVE AND FORGIVENESS #7

LOVE

… doing for love is not the same as doing with love.

 

What do you seek?
Being right or understanding?
Being heard or hearing?
Being loved or loving?
If you seek the one you will not find the other.
If you seek the other you will find both.

 

The more you do for love, the more love will do for you.

Love, laughter and song chase away the dark forces and all that is dreaded from your nights and days.

Love on the Tree of life forms a Triad that balances Judgment and Mercy. The Ancestors teach us to "sweeten" our judgments, to try and walk in the others' shoes and to judge the action not the person. It is said that when the student of Kabbalah has mastered this Triad s/he  can teach themselves. 

“To awaken the heart, is to awaken the dormant soul.” Gandhi

It is also the most difficult chakra to master in yoga.

…The early sages taught that
 the pursuit of wisdom ennobled the intellect with knowledge of God, while love brought one into His presence.

“A coward is incapable of exhibiting love; it is the prerogative of the brave.” Mahatma Gandhi

Loving and being loved is soul talk. To love is also to be vulnerable to love from others and to love one's-Self - that part of us made in the image of the Divine.

 

“Love is the most universal, formidable and mysterious of all the cosmic forces.” De Chardin

We are all one, though not the same.

 "You are me, and I am you. Isn't it obvious that we “inter-are”?  Thich Nhat Hahn

"The fundamental delusion of humanity is to suppose I am here and you are out there." Yasutani Roshi 

Love your neighbor as yourself obliges us to see the divine spark that is in all of us. It does not require we like, nor or have anything much to do with him or her, but respect the Self within them. This is not love as a sentiment or emotion but as a commitment. Its embraced by the yoga greeting Namaste - I recognize the divinity within you.

Ubuntu is a Bantu concept.

  

“Ubuntu speaks to the essence of being human. The solitary individual is in our understanding a contradiction in terms. You are a person through other persons. Ubuntu speaks about the importance of communal harmony; warmth, compassion, generosity, hospitality and seeks to embrace others.” 

Bishop Tutu

FORGIVENESS #1

(Mercy vs. Judgment)

“Despise no person and consider nothing impossible, for there is no one who does not have his/her hour and there is nothing that does not have its place.” Talmud 

"Patience in enduring evil

Mercy to the point of recalling only the good qualities of our tormentor.

Remembering them in the innocence of their infancy.

Mercy beyond the letter of the law ...” Cordovero

The second Triad of the Tree of Life concerns empathy and compassion which enables forgiveness. 

The goal is not to retreat from misunderstandings but is to avoid giving cause for them. The intention is not simply to do away with misunderstandings but to have either more or better understandings.

Mercy, compassion, empathy are key to Forgiveness.

“To err is human, to forgive Divine”

"Forgiveness is part of the treasure you need to craft your falcon wings and return to your true realm of Divine Freedom.” Hafitz

To forgive is to return to Self and to "... lay our burden down by the riverside and to study war (inside of us) no more."

Forgiveness relieves the one receiving it and the one giving it - of a burden that can be an albatross around one's neck

God save thee, ancient Mariner
From the fiends, that plague thee thus
Why look'st thou so ? - With my cross-bow
I shot the albatross.
...
Ah well a-day. what evil looks
Had I from old and young
Instead of the cross, the Albatross
About my neck was hung... S. T. Coleridge

“Forgiveness is the most completing gift we can experience for we all have its sweet need.  

John O’donahue

“In forgiving and letting go we can then exalt in treasuring what we truly most treasure.” J. O’donahue

“Forgiveness is the most completing gift we can experience for we all have its sweet need.” J. O’donahue

Forgiveness is generated by empathy and compassion, not only for others but also for ourselves. Many of us are making new year resolutions at this time. Forgiveness should be considered as being one of them.

THERE ARE THREE COMPONENTS TO FORGIVENESS

GRANTING OURSELVES FORGIVENESS

This is often the most difficult.

"And if your friend does evil to you, say to him, “I forgive you for what you did to me, but how can I forgive you for what you did to yourself?”  Nietzsche

“What are the ways of the Holy One. A God compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in kindness and faithfulness, extending kindness to the thousandth generation, forgiving, iniquity, transgression and sin.” Exodus 34:6

Before we can forgive others we first need to forgive ourselves or we may project that burden onto others.

“If we do not transform our pain,

we will most assuredly transmit it.” Richard Rohr

GRANTING OTHERS FORGIVENESS

To engage in the dance of movement with one’s opponent makes him/her a partner. 

“Actions arise from conditions. Do not judge then the former until the latter is well understood. If you have eaten what the judged one has eaten, and worn his clothes, and thought his thoughts, and felt both his joy and pain then you may say you have stood in his place but only briefly compared to the length of his stay. So still you may not know the past or present plights that plague him. 

Our judgments are frequently fraught with error and usually tainted with arrogance. Compassion and love are our salvation and joy.” Hillel

"Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods.” Goethe

ASKING OTHERS FOR FORGIVENESS

Forgiveness must begin with remorse, regret, acknowledgment and confession for what we have done.

“A person cannot find redemption until s/he sees the flaws in his soul and tries to efface them. Whoever shuts out the realization of his flaws is shutting out redemption. We can only be redeemed to the extent to which we see ourselves.” Talmud

“Iniquities are etched upon our bones such that traces remain even when God forgives. One must acknowledge and confess the wrongdoing to have the stain cleansed and the record removed.“ Ezekiel