FORGIVENESS #3

“In every person there is something precious which is in no-one else. And so we should honor each for what is hidden within them for what only they have.” Talmud

GRANTING OTHERS FORGIVENESS

It is all about cosmic union. Go forward with forgiveness which is essential to substance and joy.

“Great are the righteous for they transform judgment into compassion.” Genesis Raba 33.3

REASONS FOR GRANTING FORGIVENESS

“When a deep injury is done to us, we never recover until we forgive.” Alan Paton

Forgiveness is healthful

Research has shown that forgiveness can enhance our immune systems. It is may be more beneficial for the one doing the forgiveness even than the one receiving it. Cynicism on the other hand increases our pro-inflammatory factors which can cause various diseases.

Turn the other cheek

If we cannot embrace the other, do not think to embrace God.

We need to respond positively if at all possible. If we respond negatively we inherit his/her energy and loose our power. 

It's not about them it's about you. Be compassionated. Imagine them changing for the better.

Make of your opponent, a dance partner.

“The way you see people is the way you treat them, and the way you treat them is what they become.” Goethe 

Granting forgiveness is good karma, holding a grudge - not.

Our judgments, thoughts, feelings and actions all have connections not just in the material world but in the spiritual realm. The spiritual influences the material. We invite, support, encourage or exclude, reject, discourage and 

forgive or hold a grudge …

IT IS USEFUL TO CONSIDER THE FOLLOWING ...

Was it intentional?

Is there a unique cultural issue?

Was it real/true or was one in a negative receptive space at the time and are we projecting?

Forgiveness is focused on the degree to which we are holding our anger. It is an internal process totally dependent on us where negative feelings are released. Only we can release our negative feelings, though other people and situations can inspire. 

 Consider whether reconciliation is possible or even desirable. Reconciliation goes beyond forgiveness. Do not feel that you must reconcile with a person whom you have forgiven for a hurt. You do not have to embrace someone who has done something despicable. 

You can keep it secret if you want, there is no necessity to reveal what transpired.

It is critical to forgive or ask forgiveness from our loved ones or those close to us, and clean the slate before death. This will be dealt with in the next blog. 

ASKING FOR FORGIVENESS

“Iniquities are etched upon our bones such that traces remain even when God forgives. 

One must acknowledge and confess the wrongdoing to have the stain cleansed and the record removed.“ Ezekiel

The circumstances may vary as follows.

Minor/Petty 

If you have been incorrectly perceived as doing wrong by someone, you can still offer an apology for any hurt caused without owning any culpability. The hurt to that person can be real.

Significant

Offense given concerning anyone's religion, traditions or belief systems or social issues that divide.

Any time one may have caused; anger, resentment, sadness, grief or pain needlessly.

Critical

 Factors leading to adverse affects on another's

life, limb, organ or function. 

Those affecting someone's livelihood or finances.

Adultery.

Any time one may have shattered someone's ego causing shame and humiliation.

In letting go of a grievance, forgiveness is to return to the Self more completely than before.

Return  is the key … joyously turning from doubt, suspicion and indifference to trust, hope and love. 

Repent with joy, forgive with joy. You are returning to your-Self and are back on the path.

According to Maimonides the great sage, the following steps are required when asking for forgiveness in order to neutralize our karmic sins. 

Admit to and truly “feel” regret or remorse about the wrongfulness.

Say so to the offended one or ones, and if necessary, in public.

 Apologize without any attempt to rationalize or self-justify.

Restore what has been lost if possible or compensate.

Determine never to repeat it. Also decide on how the event could have been managed more skillfully. 

When asking for forgiveness allow the other to be where they are. Your regrets may not be accepted especially if you cannot repair the damage or compensate. At least show willingness to do so. If done with good intent it should unite and not divide. 

 Whether accepted or not it will be of benefit. Even if one has not been forgiven it will improve one's state of being by releasing a stain on one's soul.

"What you give to if not received is still not lost. Not getting back what you give and or not having what you give being received – neither way is a waste or loss.”

John O'donahue

 According to Maimonides the damaged party should forgive the perpetrator before Divine forgiveness is granted. If forgiveness is rejected it is best to try again.  After another refusal, the person is no longer held accountable for that action as s/he has proven their true regret. The person who will not accept a sincere apology after these requests, however, becomes guilty of bearing a grudge.