GUILT AND SHAME 

THE TOXIC CHALLENGES ON THE TRIAD OF LOVE #5

“When a deep injury is done to us, we never recover until we forgive.” Alan Paton

It all begins with forgiveness... Forgiveness of oneself and of others and asking forgiveness of others. Forgiveness allows us to lay down our burden down by the riverside, and to study war no more (African American song); to take off the albatross hanging around our necks and to relieve us of a grudge. Holding a grudge can also be bad karma. Forgiveness has shown to be healthful and increase one's T cell counts. Cynicism which goes along with a grudge increases pro inflammatory factors - the cause of many diseases. Forgiveness also increases one's spiritual and somatic 'vibration'.

"Forgiveness is part of the treasure you need to craft your falcon wings and return to your true realm of Divine Freedom.” Hafitz

Forgiveness requires self-awareness and Mercy (one of the sephirot or energy centers on the Tree of Life.) Holding a grudge relates to Mercy's opposite sephira of Judgment on the Triad of Love.

“… We can only be redeemed to the extent to which we can see ourselves.” The Talmud

With the following we can return to our True or Higher Selves. 

ATONEMENT 

REDEMPTION

 RESTITUTION

RECONCILIATION

Forgiveness, however,  does not mean that we have to reconcile. We can forgive, let go (of the grudge), walk away, walk on.

  

Return is the key … joyously turning from doubt, suspicion and indifference to trust, hope and love.

The Hero/ine's Journey can also be a way out of shame. Most journeys of suffering can be illuminated by seeing them in the 'light' of a hero's journey.

"There is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in." 

Leonard. Cohen

"The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek." J. Campbell

Your teaching is in the shadow of your experiences.

Relief must begin with awareness of the wound, an intention to heal  the wound, and then the desire to help others who also need healing.

Fear itself is not a foe but acquiescing to fear empowers it to be a formidable one.

"It must be a poor life that achieves freedom from fear." Aldo Leopold

Fear is a part of all three phases of the Hero's journey This commitment requires the strong intention to Separate from what once was and who one used to be. It is a yearning for the extra-ordinary. 

The second phase is Threshold where one goes through the dark night of the soul (even to the bottom of the barrel) but in the process a "Grail" is earned - one just has to recognize it. 

“What the caterpillar calls the end of the world the butterfly calls the beginning.”  Zen saying 

We come back from the journey to Incorporate the Grail by helping others. Buddhism teaches us to take our suffering and make something useful out of it by helping others. This will assist in the return to Self. Giving our core or signature strength (Seligman) away paradoxically will make us happier.

With right understanding and action we can create the conditions for transgressions to become merits.

"I do not know what your destiny will be but one thing I know;  the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve." A. Schweitzer

“Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console, to be understood as to understand, to be loved as to love, for it is in the giving that we receive.” 
St. Francis

Unless we are in service to others, we will not endure happiness and the more we focus on ourselves the more miserable we become.
This is not an ethical judgment, but a fact of life that is fixed as a default into the fabric of the soul. 

The Hero/ine turns the shit of the past into the manure of the future by giving away the grail. 

Shame (and grief) may be activated at times but it becomes manageable.

For some with soul loss or sickness, Shamanic techniques can help to restore the soul to its rightful place in the body and bring balance. The soul and body should be at one with one another. Unskillful behavior or abuse by others, toxic to the soul's purity, (the soul is indivisible and pure) may cause the soul to separate from the body. This can cause soul sickness or even soul loss. Psychotherapy and other methods may not be enough to bring the soul back into the body and allow for the forgiveness required. A skillful shaman and a diligent spiritual practice can help spacious Mind subordinate monkey mind and restore the ego and shadow to their rightful places. 

Anyone who has crawled out of the bottom of the barrel of suffering has the potential to be much more powerful than the one who has not been so severely challenged. By overcoming huge odds one may have succeeded in enlisting in the 'spiritual special forces.'

If the burden were taken away the lesson would not be there, coping with it, is what is important and is what will count.

"Do not judge me by my success, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again." Nelson Mandela

When addiction occurs a Twelve Step or other recovery program is usually essential.