FORGIVENESS # 3

Forgiving others

It is worth considering

Was it intentional? Is there another side to their story? Is there a unique cultural issue? Have you managed to walk in their moccasins for a day? Were they victims of their own circumstances? Was the insult true and worthy of attention? Was harm done?

Was any form of an apology offered and how sincere was it?

If major or critical, is it reconcilable with some form of compensation or not?

Truth can be ego clinging to its own image.

Was one’s ego the issue? 

Is a lack of forgiveness causing contraction rather than expansion, fear rather than love? 

Is there a possibility of relating positively to the conflict rather than further aggravating the issue? 

Is ego bound, self-righteous indignation predominant? 

Is it better to be effective rather than right - creating more balance than resentment?

As kids we would rhyme; sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me– would that it was so.

We do not have to take responsibility if we have done nothing wrong but we can always empathize and apologize for any hurt rendered to the other as in; "I am sorry if I hurt your feeling."

You are not admitting culpability.

 

When it comes to our mothers and fathers and grandmothers and grandfathers we owe them forgiveness. They gave us a live birth and without them we would not be on the planet. Hence the commandment...

"Honor your father and mother ..."

You do not have to love them or even like them, just forgive, release and let that angst go – physically, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually. 

The dead often hang around the living looking for forgiveness since forgiveness will release them from that particular karmic burden and make for a more functional reincarnation. There is nothing good about being haunted by the ghosts of the past that were responsible for our neglect.  Their intrusive energies - intentionally or not - get in the way of the flow of our life force. Forgiveness will release them and also you of their spiritual intrusiveness even if they are not haunting you from the other side. 

Giving forgiveness and asking for forgiveness is especially important before death. One should also release the other from unkept promises and unresolved commitments.

Forgiveness is much more difficult when they have passed on. 

Forgiveness is focused on the degree to which we are holding our anger. This does not mean we have to embrace someone who has done something despicable. Nor does it mean we have to have anything to do with the one we have forgiven. Forgiveness is an internal process totally dependent on whether the negative feelings are released. One can keep it secret if one wants. There is no necessity to reveal. The unburdening can be healing. Forgiveness is just as important for us as it is for them.

Consider whether reconciliation is possible or desirable. Reconciliation goes beyond forgiveness. Reconciliation may be neither possible nor desirable. Do not feel that you must reconcile with a person whom you have forgiven for a hurt. 

Only you can release your negative feelings though other people and situations can inspire. 

 

These teachings from the sages can helps us to find the way.

 

“Mercy to the point of recalling only the good qualities of our tormentor.
Remembering them in the innocence of their infancy.
Mercy beyond the letter of the law.
Patience in enduring evil.” Cordovero

 

“When a deep injury is done to us we never recover until we forgive.” Alan Paton

Paton was a renowned South African author who wrote and protested about Apartheid during his lifetime.  Forgiveness was at the heart of Mandela and Bishop Tutus’ Truth and Reconciliation Commission after the fall of Apartheid. Their idea was that it was essential for the healing of the “Rainbow Nation.”

 

“It is vitally important that we see these mens’ humanity” 

Albie Sachs the lawyer who presided over the commission.

The commission wanted healing and their only hope was to reach out with compassion and not revenge. Remorse and contrition were to be openings for repentance. The truth and the whole truth needed to be told and a sincere apology for the atrocity was key.

 

“What are the ways of the Holy One. A God compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in kindness and faithfulness, extending kindness to the thousandth generation, forgiving, iniquity, transgression and sin.” Exodus 34:6

 

Just as the Creator judges the action and not the Higher Self - made in the divine image so should we judge the action and not that person's higher Self. Karma takes care of the rest. The Ancestors teach us to sweeten the judgments.