JOY AND HAPPINESS – SUFFERING 

 SORROW AND GRIEF #3

Tools for Maintaining Joy and Happiness

 

Spiritual Practice

An ongoing spiritual practice done for its own sake, not to perform or look good that is regular, sustainable and enjoyable is probably the most important of all in terms of keeping our equanimity and balance. This does not have to esoteric and one can invoke more than one practice. If it is somatic or body centered it may be more powerful such as; yoga asanas, Tai Chi, Chi, Gong, dancing, playing a musical instrument, hiking, walking on the beach etc. It may need to be done more than once daily in extreme situations. 

 

“Golden verses of Pythagoras speak of storms coming and going. 
The wise person like the good sailor, knows how to rid them. 
Know your weaknesses and inclinations so that you can temper them with your strength.” Unknown

Moreover, maintaining a relationship with our spirit guides, to ask to receive and show gratitude.We also need to remember that the Creator wants a personal relationship with each one of us.

“Sometimes I go about pitying myself and all the time I am being carried on great winds across the sky.” Ojibway wisdom

 

 “When I lose my way God will come along another road and reach me. When I grope in the land of forgetfulness, God will remember me. When I no longer know who I am, God will call me by name. When darkness is my only companion memories and old prayers will be stars and in time, or beyond it, someone will be sent, bringing a lamp.” 
Christine Fleming Heffner 

Spiritual practice will help us to remain unattached to either joy or sorrow. Joy is temporary as should be sorrow. Joy is a just a stronger measure above happiness. Except for those few individuals who seem to be able to maintain a joyful disposition, it is fleeting for most of us. What we are aiming for in our practice is equanimity, balance, harmony, serenity, well-being and meaning which is the equivalent to happiness and joy. 

 

“… When joy disappears, look for your mistake.” Tolstoy

 

Gratitude Creates Joy and Gratitude is also Spiritual Practice

Be grateful and you will be happy. Happiness leads to great empowerment. Attend to your well-being, especially to happiness, the cause of which is sometimes found in hidden recesses, always in gratitude.

Ingratitude; “a horrible and unnatural 
crime...” David Hume

 

“Gratitude is the moral memory of humankind.” G. Simmel

 

“Reflect on your present blessings, on which every man has many, not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some.” Charles Dickens

 

Your gifts are only gifts if you find them thus to be – your heart makes them so.

 

There is no joy as transforming as the joy of gratitude.

… Where there is gratitude there is light.

 

The sages have praised gratitude over the ages and now neuroscience is broadening our appreciations of the power of gratitude (Robert Emmons, and Michael McCullough.) A gratitude practice induces a parasympathetic relaxation response and accentuates the alfa rhythms on an E.E.G. It also increases neuronal density in the prefrontal lobe of the brain on F.M.R.I. studies, somewhat similar to that seen in advanced meditators. Gratitude is spiritual practice and prayer at the same time. Supplication in prayer is usually about asking for something and depending on how it is done it may have a neutral effect. Supplicating on behalf of the greater good usually has more traction than praying for material "stuff."

Spacious mind is about gratitude and joy. Narrow mind is about acquisitiveness. 

If we practice gratitude we become more grateful. It creates a positive feedback loop, helping us to pay things forward. Paying forward makes us happier still. 

Sometimes it helps to think of those times of deprivation to make us appreciate and have gratitude, as well as realize how lucky we are in relation to some other sufferers and those prior bad times that plagued the planet.

 

JOY AND HAPPINESS – SUFFERING 

 SORROW AND GRIEF #2

 

“S/he who sees life as a process of spiritual perfection

 does not fear external events.” Tolstoy

 

What we do with our experiences whether sacred or profane, light or dark, evil or good is a test of our spiritual fortitude.

 

We are continually being tested not about how much we know or how well we perform but our trust, love and faith are always being tested at unexpected times and in often unrecognized guises.

 

“What is the difference between your experience of existence and that of a saint? The saint knows that the spiritual path is a sublime chess game with God and that the Beloved has just made a fantastic move. That the saint is now continually tripping over joy and bursting out in laughter and saying “I surrender!” Whereas my dear I am afraid you still think that you have a thousand moves.” Hafiz

 

If we imagine ourselves traveling down the river of life in our "Destiny-Self Boat" we can think of the two banks of the river as representing happiness and joy on one side and suffering, grief and sorrow on the other. We need to stay in the midstream of balance and harmony and remain non-attached to either bank. When we bump into the bank of happiness we must be in the present moment with either the Remembering Self or the Experiencing Self (last blog) but when it’s over, it’s over and we head back into the middle again. Likewise, when we bump into the bank of suffering we should redeem or reframe the feeling and head back to equanimity's center in midstream. We never set up camp or become attached to either bank. Non-attachment and surrender are key factors when considering our equanimity factor. Harrison Owens' rule of non attachment can help us. 

 Whoever are present are the right people. Whenever it begins is the right time. Whatever happens is the only thing that could have happened. When it's over - it's over!

This is easier said than done due to the fact that we have memory which imprints our conscious and subconscious. This is why psychologists use animals that have memory for their experiments such as mice. A frog has no memory. Bad memories can result in P.T.S.D. In spite of their own high level of consciousness animals do not get P.T.S.D. When a zebra escapes the predatory action of a lion s/he is not harmed psychologically by that thought of imminent death. He continues being the zebra he always was. For us it's not that simple.

Shed and shie from what keeps the soul from joy. 

 

The tension between the two banks of happiness and sorrow is a template for spiritual perfection while we try to maintain a childlike innocence. In order to navigate our “boat,” skillfully a dedicated spiritual practice is essential. We need to learn to coexist with but not assimilate the negative experiences. 

It’s a mind game (“a head trip”) and the balance resides in how we are managing our spiritual practice. Life’s wisdom tells us to take our suffering and make something useful out of it. Use the suffering as grist for the mill. Every bad experience can be alchemized into an opportunity. The Phoenix can rise out of the ashes. Ongoing suffering is more a property of Monkey/Narrow mind and our thoughts. Spacious Mind dictates that it’s not what happens to us but what we do with it that counts.

 

“The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.” Marcus Antonius

 

“If you are distressed by anything external, 

the pain is not due to the thing itself, 

but to your estimate of it; 

and this you have the power 

to revoke at any moment.” Marcus Aurelius

 

“What we speak becomes the house we live in.”  Hafiz

 

The mind must mind what the mind minds best. (Spacious Mind’s love rather than Narrow Mind’s fear)

 

Throughout the rain, the howling wind the pain … they cannot disturb the peace that is within.

“I have come to the frightening conclusion that I am a decisive element: it is my personal approach that creates the climate; it is my daily mood that makes the weather. I possess tremendous power to make life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration. I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal …” Goethe

 

And for those things that plague us, that are less than critical, and which we tend to magnify - if it does not kill us, it makes us stronger. Often it is perseverating on those very small conflicts that keep us awake at night.

 

“Be master of your petty annoyances and conserve your energies for the big worthwhile things. It isn’t the mountain ahead that wears you out - it’s the grain of sand in your shoe.” Robert Service

"People are like tea bags. You only know how strong they are when you put them in hot water." Unknown

 

 

JOY AND HAPPINESS                                                                         SUFFERING, SORROW AND GRIEF

 “A truly wise person is always joyful. The best way to live joyfully is to believe that life was given for joy. When joy disappears, look for your mistake.” Tolstoy

 “Let your life dance lightly on the edges of time like dew on the top of a leaf.” Tagore

Karmically, we will be accountable to the extent we omitted joy or happiness in our lives. Happiness is also a requirement of karma just as is destiny and the other factors previously described. 

 

 “Joy is not incidental to your spiritual quest, it is vital.”

Rev. Nachman

 

“Everyone will be called to account for all the legitimate pleasures which he or she has failed to enjoy.” Talmud

 

“There is a Chassidic commitment to joy in the world. Joy is not earned its given and does not require effort, only consent.”

 

Ancient wisdoms teach that we are looking for happiness in the wrong places and that spiritual tools are the route to true happiness. There are many words to describe happiness; 

equanimity, balance, harmony, serenity, security, inner peace, well-being … 

Ancient scriptures also confirm that having meaning in one’s life is key to well-being as are relationships and giving back. Having meaning is also a part of being happy.  

“Don’t ask yourself what the world need. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” H. Thurman

 

In positive psychology – Martin Seligman and Carol Ryff – emphasize how having meaning is crucial to well-being. They stress the power of experiencing positive emotions and a sense of flow when we engage with our core or signature strengths. Moreover, that we need to serve something bigger than ourselves in our relationships with others. These are also the guiding principles of the incorporation phase of the hero’s journey after one integrates our core strength or our own unique archetype into our work.

“When you find your place where you are, practice begins.” Roshi

 

“… do your work and step back the only way to serenity.”

Tao Te Ching

 

Our destiny archetype is the gift we have been given by the Creator to help heal the planet and correct injustice. The Hero/ines journey is a quest to find that “grail” so we can return to the tribe or the community and give back. Unless we are in service to others, we will not endure happiness and the more we focus on ourselves the more miserable we become. This is not an ethical judgment, but a fact of life that is fixed as a default into the fabric of the soul. 

 

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”  Victor Frankl

 

Victor Frankl in his book Mans’ Quest for Meaning describes how he was able to overcome the catastrophic effects of being incarcerated in a Nazi death camp. Frankl also emphasizes how finding meaning in life is the primary, most powerful motivating force in humans. Nelson Mandela, Gandhi and many others remained committed to the profound meaning of their missions even under severe adverse circumstances, abuse and even torture. 

“Once what you are living and what you are doing has for you meaning, it is irrelevant whether you are happy or unhappy. You are content, you are not alone in your spirit, you belong.”
         L. Van der Post 

The safety needs of some of those in the camps may have been severely threatened but they retained “meaning” and purpose against all odds. The way a prisoner could imagine his/her future seemed to be the determining factor that counted most. Some imagined seeing a loved one again or being able to complete some mission such as writing a book. Others devoted themselves to helping the inmates. They tended not necessarily to be the physically strongest of those interned but they maintained an attitude of optimism rather than a head down, hopeless, helpless demeanor. They managed to temper anxiety, apathy, depression, detachment, desperation and dejection. 

 

”He who has a why to live for, can bear almost any how.”

 Friedrich Nietzsche

 

Daniel Kahneman, Nobel prize winner, in describing happiness, defines two Selves; the Experiencing Self and the Remembering Self. Joy has a different energy than happiness and is an exuberant, in the moment, sensory feeling of the Experiencing Self. He describes the Remembering Self being about our story and how we keep score. Since it is not an in the moment exuberance like that of joy attained by the Experiencing Self he calls it Synthetic Happiness. He adds that this is part of our psychological “immune” system. 

“Serenity is not a passive condition but an undisturbed peace of mind, active and aware which can be 

quiet joy, sometimes ecstatic joy, 

always deep within spirit and light of heart.” 

Father Toomy

This system has a reset point. How the experience ends, will determine the effect – happy or not. If not, he maintains that with redeeming or reframing a negative emotion into a positive one we can end up with a positive feeling. For instance; having a conversation with a close friend, a walk on the beach, enjoying a funny movie, etc. One bad aspect of an experience can ruin a satisfactory encounter because that is what is remembered rather than the good parts. The sooner it is redeemed the better. There is wisdom in the statements; never go to bed angry, when you fall off your horse get back on immediately.

 

Find joy and gratitude in hidden places.

 

Ecstasy goes a step above joy and is a spiritual experience best described in ancient wisdoms as Samadhi, Nirvana or Sartori. This oneness experience or unity consciousness occurs when the Knower, the Known and the process of Knowing fuse and become one thing. For most of us usually this comes only through grace. To satisfy those with scientific minds who are disinclined to believe in anything that cannot be proven, such as Kundalini energy, certain "acceptable" labels have been invented for these kinds of mystical experience, such as; coherence, physiological arousal, cathartic conversion experience, congruence, and the distant mental influence on biological systems ... Maslow would have called it a Peak Experience but indigenous wisdoms and Eastern mysticism have these energy pathways well delineated.

 

DESTINY CONCLUSION

The menu is only the menu.
It offers, it describes, it suggests.
When the meal arrives do not put it aside.
Absorb the reality of your choice.
If you do not taste the nature of God in your selection, you must choose another dish, if indeed you desire to be for the Infinite One, all that S/He is for you.
For although the Creator’s breath will be present, His presence will not manifest for you.
You need to choose the offering He has prepared especially and selectively for you.

 

The Hero/ine’s journey can be a part of finding our destiny and who we truly are. The search for one’s destiny has to do with congruence when emotions and their expression match and behavior arises from the root of our being. When we sing our own song and do not do things for others’ approval. Soul, heart and intellect are congruent.

Following one’s destiny is also about trust and surrender. Surrender is about giving in to something much bigger than one's self (as in the little self.) It involves flexibility, fearing less, letting go, being in the flow, not grasping, non-attachment and connecting with the Field and the help it can give us.

 

“The universe will reward you for taking risks on its behalf.” 

Shakti Gawain

 

“When you are inspired by some great purpose, some extraordinary project, all your thoughts break their bonds; your mind transcends limitations, your consciousness expands in every direction and you find yourself in a new, great and wonderful world. Dormant forces, faculties and talents become alive and you discover yourself to be a greater person by far than you ever dreamed yourself to be.” Patanjali 

 

When you feel compelled and not commanded it will be as you thought it would be but not as you feared it might.
When you respond from within all will unfold as it should from without.
You will know that the veil is illusory and you will lack for nothing.

 

When you are compelled rather than commanded you will no longer need teachers and sages for you will know naturally. 
It is written on your heart. 
When you keep the commitment because you love not because you obey you will no longer need teachers and sages urging you to perform and refrain – you will do so naturally.
It is the way of the heart. 
It is the heart’s wisdom and understanding that delights itself in the Creator.

 

Look carefully to what you aspire, cherish and guard so as not to squander your gifts nor lose your heritage. 

 

By going back to our earlier, especially teenage years, or some prior warrior journeys we may discover that the dream or that aha we wanted for ourselves was put aside because of external pressures. This dream could well have been connected to our destiny and our heart’s desire.

 

The sages teach that all that happens; happens as it must.
What occurs cannot occur contrary to the conditions of its occurring or contrary to its nature.
A cedar tree does not spring from an acorn.

 

Of all the teachings the Ancestors have given us, many focus on our being true to our Self’s preordained mission. Others may want to tell you to be an "oak tree" which bears fruit rather than the "cedar tree" that you were created for.

Anything or anybody who does not make you more of who we are makes you less of who we are.

 

The focus is on becoming more of who you are.

You must free yourself to be yourself.
Do not take on what is not yours to take on.
If you will not be you who then will be? 

Be patient with yourself, kind to yourself and release yourself from what you are not accountable. Do not be captive to the demands of false duty.

God most delights when you, are most you, when you are being most yourself.

 

If you do not be you, then whoever will be?

 

Look carefully to what you aspire, cherish and guard so as not to squander your gifts nor lose your heritage.

Dance to the beat of your very own drum and no one else's.

 

 

DESTINY

“Everyone has in him/her something Divine, something his own, a chance of perfection and strength, however small, a sphere which God offers him to take or refuse. The task is to find, develop and use it.”
Sri Aurobindo

“Despise no human and consider nothing impossible, for there is no person who does not have his hour and there is nothing that does not have its place.” The Talmud

“In every person there is something precious which is in no-one else. And so, we should honor each for what is hidden within them for what only they have.” The Talmud

“Be willing to give up who you are – the old familiar – for who you might become, to reach that which is beyond you.” 

Rev. Nachman of Braztlav

Your destiny is the hunt of your life, keep to the scent, follow the spoor.

 

Our guides have access to our Book of Life or our Akashic records and know what our destiny is. They are there to help guide us to our purpose as well as the other things that can assist us on the path. The clues they leave us along the way are like a Bushman tracker after his prey. Sometimes the spoor is lost, and he must go back to the last track to circle around it and pick the trail up again or search for the next one ahead. Our path can be likened to a treasure hunt where our guides leave clues for us to find. Sometimes they send a clue which seems to take us in the wrong direction but if we did not follow it, we would not find the next. This is not unlike a cybernetic negative feedback system and how the body’s hormonal system works - more of a wave form, not a straight line. We are often going a bit wrong or “left” but still later go “right.” We need to not condemn ourselves about being lost when we are just in the process of searching. This convoluted dynamic arises out of the cosmic law of free will. Our guides cannot tell us who we are and who we must be but they can nudge us in the right direction or warn us when we take a wrong turn. 

Unthinking conformity no matter how piously enacted lacks meaning and as such is soulless.
One must be bold in questioning; that to just accept without inquiry is simply surface learning by rote not the deeper learning of thoughtful consideration.
Our deeds fashion our destiny, so do our understandings fashion our deeds.

“Personal insight is more valuable than divine revelation, for if we depend only on the scriptures and the teachings of masters but have no personal insights of our own, all is worthless.”  Rev. Akiva

The Creator does not want us to have a copy cat destiny - we have to magnify the gift S/He has given us and then co-create with the Divine to help heal the planet.                                                      

God looks not only to your willingness to His call but to your creativity in responding. This honor, and delights Him.

The sages teach that everything is foreseen yet freedom of choice is given.

Destiny is that unique gift we were given by the Creator. Everything is foreseen and preordained by the Creator but not predestined. We have the free will and the freedom to choose not to pursue it. This depends on what we do with our fate and our destiny. Our intentions will determine the karmic affects. If not, we are born again and again.

 “The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.”    C. Jung

 

You are much more than you know but only what you have learned with your heart does God manifest in you. You are a wave of God’s ocean, a ray of His sunlight, alive with His breath.

It is not enough for you to know your source and substance.
You must be the source and substance.
This is your soul’s wisdom that surpasses all understanding.

Affirm God’s promise, respond to his offer!
Without your acceptance only the potential exists.
The gift must be taken, trusted and used for its reality to be actualized.

 

”Each soul makes Two agreements upon entering the world. The First binds the individual to a distinct destiny that becomes the soul’s great project in life. The Second entangles each person in the limitations of fate and responsibilities for family and community. 
While all second agreements can be renegotiated, the first is non-negotiable.” Michael Meade

Fate involves the circumstances surrounding us and our destiny mission. Fate is the cards we are dealt in life which may have a lot to do with our karma and what we have earned in prior lifetimes. We are required to rise above our fate  into our true destiny path. Destiny will be fashioned by our choices – skillful or not. Destiny is that illusive, but unique gift we were granted, so that we could give of ourselves to the planet and all its Beings. Most of us do not find it easily.

“The outward work can never be small if the inward one is great, and the outward work can never be great if the inward is small or of little worth… All works are surely dead if anything from the outside compels you to work. Even if it were God himself compelling you to work from the outside, your works would be dead. If your works are to live, then God must move you from the inside, from the innermost region of the soul – then they will really live. There is your life, and there alone you live and your works live.” Patanjali

We are made in the image of the Divine. Our souls are unified and pure.

As above, so below, as without so within – as below so above, as within so without …

We are a tiny spark of the Source’s flame. A microcosmic chip or holographic representation of the Creator.

 

“All the talents of God are within you.
 How could this be otherwise when your soul is derived from His genes!”  Hafiz

 

We are meant to co-create with the Divine – His/Her creation cannot fully manifest without our help. The Creator wants a personal relationship with each one of us. There is a direct link in the search for the Self and the Hero’s search for his/her archetype. They are shades of the same thing. Destiny is part of the soul’s journey and we are karmically required to find and follow it with integrity. You cannot separate the Soul from your destiny path.

God does not play favorites. We are all given a destiny cup to fill. Some have been given bigger cups than others. Those who have smaller cups, may find it easier than those with large ones where … to those whom much is given, much is expected.

 

 “The souls of people on their way to earth-life pass through a room full of lights. Each takes a taper, often only a spark to guide it in the dim country of this world. But some souls by rare fortune are detained longer and have time to grasp a handful of tapers which they weave into a torch. These are the torchbearers of humanity – its poets, seers and saints who lead and lift the race out of darkness towards the light. They are the law givers and saviors, the light bringers, way showers and truth tellers and without them humanity would lose its way in the dark.” Plato

The taper that Plato refers to might be our mission, purpose, destiny, archetype, core or signature strength or special talent. Those who are gifted with many tapers are fortunate, but it is important to realize that only one of those is our prime “taper”. That does not mean that we set the others aside but rather we use them to support that primary "taper." One may have considerable talents and it can be confusing as to which to choose for one’s focus. We may also want to squander them by enjoying their fruits irresponsibly. It’s not only what we do but how we do it, why we do it and how we feel about it that counts karmically. Intention is everything. Many are in line with and following their destiny paths but are not doing so within the laws of karma, of right and wrong.

Assuming  we have found our destiny it will be important karmically to carry it out with integrity and also for its own sake. For this reason we may have to keep our day job if necessary. Our destiny purpose can also be done part time. 

Are you nibbling on the apples of the Tree of Knowledge or are you nurturing whatever proud plant or humble weed which is your present entrustment? It is that which you are to make glorious.

 

Determine well your heart’s desire for in releasing your intention its energy will affect its holiness or unholiness.

 

We will be judged by our intentions and fervor of our efforts and not the results. Failure can be meritorius when we face the spiritual tribunal at the end of our days and have to account for our actions. The Ancestors understand that ...

You cannot control results, only you actions.

You cannot predict outcomes only your choices.

"... Do not depend on the hope of results." T. Merton (Do it anyway.)

How we serve others also has a lot to do with the crucial healing effects of “meaning” in our lives. We have to find our own way, and our very own spiritual path to assist us along the path. We cannot come to end of our lives with a plan that others have laid out for us. We will have to come back again to find that gift or taper or myth if we become misdirected. Congruence with our inner being is vital and not what others think of us.

“…Care about people’s approval and you will be their prisoner.”

Tao Te Ching

 

And as for your power what are you doing in the wrong circle?