DEATH 

THE UNPLANNED, UNCHARTERED AND FINAL JOURNEY ?

"If you don't know where you are going, any road will take you there." Lewis Carroll

As you will appreciate from this blog, the journey should not be unplanned nor is it uncharted. Neither is it the final one. We come back again and again to get it right - the journey of samsara - death and rebirth in order to master the challenges of being in a sentient body. We are here to enjoy the senses but, responsibly. Our senses are a gift. When we go to the other side of the veil we drop the physical body and our senses. We will be accountable if we took them for granted and failed to appreciate the gift.

 

“Death asks not what have you but who are you. Life’s questions is not what have I but what am I.” Swami Rama Tirtha

 

PREPARATION

“Dying, dying, the world keeps on dying but none know how to die.  No one dies in such a way that s/he won’t die again.” Kabir

Know before you go!

 

“A net is spread out for the living, everything is given on loan and all is preparation for a big celebration.” Rev Akiva

 

Akiva also taught that the sentient world is just an antechamber for the world to come. The Zohar describes this antechamber as the one percent world and the other as the 99% one. Most of this 99% is unknowable to us until we pass over to the other side and have a hint of what it may be like. We can get an incomplete notion of the “Unknowable” if we study ancient wisdoms.

The deepest and most profound meditation, the Buddhists say, is that on death. Most of us fear death subconsciously if not consciously and studying or meditating on it goes a long way to allaying the fear which can lead to a dysfunctional crossing over. 

Studies have show that folks who have had positive experiences with mind altering plants in ceremony (L.S.D. and psilocybin especially) can lose any fear of death because they are able to see into other realities that are similar,

None of us would take a trip to an unknown destination without informing ourselves and taking all possible, preliminary precautions against “getting lost.” Yet when it comes to our final and most seminal journey, many ignore doing any preparation. 

Our state of mind when we die will have a lot to do with what vibration we go to after death. 

The time to educate ourselves and correct our karma should be now and not closer to that critical time when emotionally we will be least prepared and able to do anything constructive. Death should be a blissful event if we are ready. Kabbalists say it should be no more than a bee sting. 

“When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life so that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice.” Cherokee wisdom

Amends and reconciliations are essential in “cleaning the slate" before we leave. These blogs, based mainly on the Ancestors teachings, are "Universals"" without any particular religious biases and are meant to help us prepare for life and death. Spiritual laws will prevail whether we know about them or not or believe in them or not.

With all your strength attain knowledge!

We create are own reality, especially after death, so that the journey will be colored by our belief systems but the principles remain the same. 

The one who dies with the most "toys" may not win. The only things we take with us are our karma and experiences. We came into the planet naked and "naked" we must leave.

"As you sew so you will reap."

"Those that will be first will be last." Jesus

Let them come along and shout. They will shout their name last.

 

CROSSING OVER

 

 Someone on their death bed may need to be given permission to leave  if they are trying to hold (for dear life) on account of their loved ones.

We can take nothing with us except our memories and our karma. Our mind state is key and we should have fearless clarity without confusion. It is best to go into an existential free fall without any angst, attachments, skeletons in the closet or unfinished business. We will need to embrace positive imaginings and affirmations, surrender and let go.  In doing this we should be able to hear the ancestors or our guides calling us home.

Gandhi was heard to be chanting Ram, Ram, Ram the name of God, after being shot and before leaving his body.  

In Tibetan Buddhist culture those that are present at death can help, by affirming that the loved one is dead. Classically this is done by reading the Tibetan Book of the Dead around the corpse. This is done for 49 days by which time the soul leaves the earth plane, crosses over the veil between the worlds and goes through a period of transition before beginning the next incarnation. 

If perfected the soul will inherit the Pure Land - with no need to come back again. 

Their principles enunciated below are similar to those above - in summary:

Go forward, release without fear and do not cling to images of the past or any projections of "mind." Let go, surrender. Imagine and have positive thoughts. Recognize your own luminescence, look towards the light.

The Zulus have a tradition that also instructs the deceased that they are dead. The Buffalo thorn tree is unique in having two thorns, one hooked indicating the body being interned into the earth and one straight to show the soul ascending to the other side. A branch is put on the grave site and together with powerful, funeral rituals will instruct the spirit about what has happened, especially in the case of any confusion during the death process. 

 

Attachments hamper the transition of the spirit which may become earth bound and lost between the worlds. Forgiveness is essential before death for a peaceful transition. Promises not yet fulfilled should also be released and be no longer binding.

Spirits usually hang around the earth plane for a short period of time to see what is happening before they cross over - usually up to about 30 days. 

They are concerned about how everyone is doing, and are interested in their funeral arrangements. They may want final closure by trying to visit in dreams or even in real time in “visitations” to those that are receptive. If  they cannot get through this way they may give signs they are still around like the unusual appearance of selected, favorite animals which they can energetically manipulate. There also may be other signs as well as well to let you know that they are there. They like to know they have been honored and that they mattered. Depending on the person, death rituals such as obituaries, prayers, flowers, eulogies and a death stone etc. are important.

If their death wishes have not been fulfilled or there are family conflicts this may create disappointments and urge them to temporarily remain earth bound. When the spirit is on the earth plane it is much easier for them to make contact than after they have crossed over the veil between worlds.

Some may voluntarily choose to reman on the earth realm and be more available to assist the living with the trauma, financial challenges or conflicts surrounding disagreements such as those concerning the will.

This is not necessarily a good thing since it also delays the soul's transition. They may delay crossing over until they are given permission to leave by the loved one they are supporting or will cross over when they feel they are no longer needed. The distraught living one also needs to know when the time has come to let the spirit go to the light.

 

GUILT AND SHAME 

THE TOXIC CHALLENGES ON THE TRIAD OF LOVE #6

"For yesterday is but a dream, and tomorrow is only a vision... "  Sanscrit

 TEACHINGS THAT EMPOWER

“In the song of the rushing torrent hold onto the joyful assurance: I will become the sea. And this is not a vain supposition, it is absolute humility because it is the truth.” Tagore 

Wisdoms that dispel shame and grief resulting in any of the following;

 Hopelessness, Doubt, Denial, Resignation, Detachment, Unhealthy Convictions, Dogma and Protecting the Persona against all odds.

“The God of the clouds, 
the God of the moon and the sun,
 the God who is templed in all creation is within you and manifests as peace.”  Yogananda 

                                                                   .

"The moment you accept yourself as you are without any comparison, all inferiority, all superiority disappears. In that total acceptance of yourself you will be free from those complexes… otherwise you will suffer your whole life. Just be yourself that is enough. You are accepted by the sun, … the moon,… the trees,… the ocean,… the earth. What more do you want? You are accepted by this whole universe. Rejoice in it!" Osho

When I lose my way
 God will come along the road and reach me. When I grope in the land of forgetfulness, God will remember me.
When I no longer know who I am,
 God will call me by name.
 When darkness is my only companion memories and old prayers will be stars and in time, or beyond it,
 someone will be sent,
 bringing a lamp. 
 Christine Fleming Heffner 

"No matter how long the night, the dawn is sure to come." African proverb

Spiritual practice will open up our access to the Field and help to pacify our stress response. Remember that we may be alone but do not have to feel lonely or isolated. We all have guides, ancestors and even the Creator in the Field supporting us, even if we cannot feel it.

Never yield to weariness of spirit. At times the world’s cares and distractions will intrude and the spirit will become weak. 

At times like this carry on and soon the spirit will become strong again. God’s spirit is always with you to replenish and renew… 

When you are overcome by temporary conditions which you cannot control keep quiet and wait for the power of spirit to flow back.” 24 hours a day

"The winds of grace are always blowing but tis you who must raise your sails.” Tagore 

“Sometimes I go about pitying myself and all the time I am being carried on great winds across the sky.” Ojibway saying

“Since everything is but an apparition perfect in being what it is, having nothing to do with good or bad, acceptance or rejection, you might as well burst out laughing.” Longchenpa

“Recently, one friend asked me, "How can I force myself to smile when I am filled with sorrow? It isn't natural." I told her she must be able to smile to heal sorrow, because we are more than our sorrow. A human being is like a television set with millions of channels. If we turn the Buddha on, we are the Buddha.  If we turn sorrow on we are sorrow. If we turn on a smile, we really are the smile. We cannot let one channel dominate us.  We have the seed of everything in us, and we have to seize the situation in our hand, to recover our own sovereignty.” Thich Nhat Hanh

"If you don't want to see the shadow, turn your face to the sun." Aboriginal wisdom

“If we are willing to open up to it then it is just the unknown, the unplanned, the unexpected, the unfamiliar which can best teach us. In the tiny prefix “un” which so often spells trouble, lies the potential for change, for the new, for the hitherto unconsidered, unimagined, unrealized.” Robert Hinshaw

You cannot control results, only your actions. You cannot predict outcomes, only you choices. 

It is wise to be unattached to the consequences of what we cannot control in a world with so many variables of; light/dark, positive/negative, sacred/profane, holy/unholy.

"Do not depend on the hope of results."  T. Merton

It's not what happens to us but what we do with it that counts.

We are continually being tested - not about how much we know or how well we perform but that our trust, our love and our faith  are being always tested at unexpected times in often unrecognized guises…

The time will come
 when, with elation,
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror,
and each will smile at the other’s welcome and say, sit here. Eat.
 You will love again the stranger who was your self. Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart to itself, to the stranger who has loved you 
all your life, whom you have ignored 
for another, who knows you by heart.
 Take down the love letters from the bookshelf;
 the photographs, the desperate notes, 
peel your own image from the mirror. 
Sit. Feast on your life. 
Derek Walcott

"

GUILT AND SHAME 

THE TOXIC CHALLENGES ON THE TRIAD OF LOVE #5

“When a deep injury is done to us, we never recover until we forgive.” Alan Paton

It all begins with forgiveness... Forgiveness of oneself and of others and asking forgiveness of others. Forgiveness allows us to lay down our burden down by the riverside, and to study war no more (African American song); to take off the albatross hanging around our necks and to relieve us of a grudge. Holding a grudge can also be bad karma. Forgiveness has shown to be healthful and increase one's T cell counts. Cynicism which goes along with a grudge increases pro inflammatory factors - the cause of many diseases. Forgiveness also increases one's spiritual and somatic 'vibration'.

"Forgiveness is part of the treasure you need to craft your falcon wings and return to your true realm of Divine Freedom.” Hafitz

Forgiveness requires self-awareness and Mercy (one of the sephirot or energy centers on the Tree of Life.) Holding a grudge relates to Mercy's opposite sephira of Judgment on the Triad of Love.

“… We can only be redeemed to the extent to which we can see ourselves.” The Talmud

With the following we can return to our True or Higher Selves. 

ATONEMENT 

REDEMPTION

 RESTITUTION

RECONCILIATION

Forgiveness, however,  does not mean that we have to reconcile. We can forgive, let go (of the grudge), walk away, walk on.

  

Return is the key … joyously turning from doubt, suspicion and indifference to trust, hope and love.

The Hero/ine's Journey can also be a way out of shame. Most journeys of suffering can be illuminated by seeing them in the 'light' of a hero's journey.

"There is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in." 

Leonard. Cohen

"The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek." J. Campbell

Your teaching is in the shadow of your experiences.

Relief must begin with awareness of the wound, an intention to heal  the wound, and then the desire to help others who also need healing.

Fear itself is not a foe but acquiescing to fear empowers it to be a formidable one.

"It must be a poor life that achieves freedom from fear." Aldo Leopold

Fear is a part of all three phases of the Hero's journey This commitment requires the strong intention to Separate from what once was and who one used to be. It is a yearning for the extra-ordinary. 

The second phase is Threshold where one goes through the dark night of the soul (even to the bottom of the barrel) but in the process a "Grail" is earned - one just has to recognize it. 

“What the caterpillar calls the end of the world the butterfly calls the beginning.”  Zen saying 

We come back from the journey to Incorporate the Grail by helping others. Buddhism teaches us to take our suffering and make something useful out of it by helping others. This will assist in the return to Self. Giving our core or signature strength (Seligman) away paradoxically will make us happier.

With right understanding and action we can create the conditions for transgressions to become merits.

"I do not know what your destiny will be but one thing I know;  the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve." A. Schweitzer

“Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console, to be understood as to understand, to be loved as to love, for it is in the giving that we receive.” 
St. Francis

Unless we are in service to others, we will not endure happiness and the more we focus on ourselves the more miserable we become.
This is not an ethical judgment, but a fact of life that is fixed as a default into the fabric of the soul. 

The Hero/ine turns the shit of the past into the manure of the future by giving away the grail. 

Shame (and grief) may be activated at times but it becomes manageable.

For some with soul loss or sickness, Shamanic techniques can help to restore the soul to its rightful place in the body and bring balance. The soul and body should be at one with one another. Unskillful behavior or abuse by others, toxic to the soul's purity, (the soul is indivisible and pure) may cause the soul to separate from the body. This can cause soul sickness or even soul loss. Psychotherapy and other methods may not be enough to bring the soul back into the body and allow for the forgiveness required. A skillful shaman and a diligent spiritual practice can help spacious Mind subordinate monkey mind and restore the ego and shadow to their rightful places. 

Anyone who has crawled out of the bottom of the barrel of suffering has the potential to be much more powerful than the one who has not been so severely challenged. By overcoming huge odds one may have succeeded in enlisting in the 'spiritual special forces.'

If the burden were taken away the lesson would not be there, coping with it, is what is important and is what will count.

"Do not judge me by my success, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again." Nelson Mandela

When addiction occurs a Twelve Step or other recovery program is usually essential.

GUILT AND SHAME 

THE TOXIC CHALLENGES ON THE TRIAD OF LOVE #4

The Triad of Love on the Tree of Life consists of the sephira of Love in the centre, balanced by the sephira of Mercy on the right, and Judgment on the left. We have to maintain Self-awareness and accountability without judging ourselves too severely. The Tree of Life has 10 sephirot; five are of love and five of fear. There are only two feelings; love and fear but with many emotional expressions of each. Mercy is one of love. When judgment creates an overriding fear it can harm, emotionally, spiritually and even physically. Shame has the power to create unmitigated fear. 

TREATMENT 

Avoiding Self-Condemnation is critical! An unconditional positive regard for the True Self reduces anxiety and depression and increases happiness, optimism, positive emotions, and Self-worth. We are all worthy of Self-Compassion.

Pain is inevitable, suffering optional.

“The soul has no rainbow if the eyes have no tears.” 

Native American Proverb

Pushing away the pain and denying the suffering is not as effective as acknowledging and going into it. Admitting to the truth will help to dissipate suffering.

GRIEVING

“May you have the commitment to know what has hurt you, to allow it to come close to you and in the end become one with you.” Prayer of Finton

 
“I saw Grief drinking from cup and called out, ‘it tastes good does it not?’ ‘You've caught me Grief answered and you've ruined my business. How can I sell sorrow when you know it's a blessing?” Rumi

“There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands. You seek problems (challenges) because you need their gifts.” R. Bach

Everything is a test of our spiritual fortitude.

Grieving is essential when we are confronted with severe trauma and this means fully acknowledging the truth and expressing it to those who can hear and support, so that the pain can be released. Hiding it away will not work. 

“Iniquities are etched upon our bones such that traces remain even when God forgives. 

One must acknowledge and confess the wrongdoing to have the stain cleansed and the record removed.“ Ezekiel

Grief may sometimes require special rituals and communal help –  it can take a "village" as in a recovery program. 

Indigenous societies have their own rituals that have to do with forgiveness and letting go that are effective. 

“Shame is seen in Dagara culture as a collapsing emotional force that paralyzes the Self and therefore like grief should only be experienced in sacred ceremonial context… Shame compresses the psyche dangerously… One experiences crippling rejection and ostracism as one’s self esteem is almost exterminated. This is comparable to death.” Malidoma Some

”I was never asked, “Aren’t you finished grieving yet?” Rather, they would say – “have you grieved enough? Have you cried enough…?”   Sobonfu Some'

Stress can harm the body through our sympathetic nervous systems and an unrelenting Flight or Fight response. Chronic stress unrelieved by self-care can cause hypertension, cardiac stress, a decrease in the immune system and an increased incidence of the metabolic syndrome. 

"Shame is the swampland of the soul." C.G. Jung

Tanna said“He who publicly shames - whitens the face of his neighbor - is as though he shed blood.”  Rev. Nahman affirmed; "Well said, because I have seen it-- the redness departing and paleness appearing."

"The voice of shame is invisibility, 
silence, secrecy and self-judgment." Brene' Brown

Belief that we are bad and belief that we are out of control makes us more so! We are responsible for but are not our actions.

Early or late abuse or trauma, are aggravated if associate with feelings of humiliation or disgust. 

“If we do not transform our pain, we will most assuredly transmit it.” Richard Rohr

“Hatred does not cease thru hatred at any time. Hatred ceases thru love. This is an unalterable law.”  The Buddha 

Shame can induce toxic emotions; malice, anger, rage, hatred, envy and a desire for vengeance. Narcissism can also arise out of shame. By looking down on others, narcissists do not have to imagine there is anything wrong with themselves. 

“Shame cannot survive being spoken. 
Find someone you trust and tell them how you're feeling. 
Talking with a trusted person will give you a fresh perspective 
on what's happening, which will challenge the spiral's negative views.” Bene’ Brown

"The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek." 

J. Campbell

The only way out of it - is through it – not invisibility.
Vulnerability is emotional courage, not weakness. 
The courage to be imperfect leads to kindness and compassion.
Damaging self talk can cause someone to become stuck in shame.
Shift the blame to where it belongs. 

Be patient with yourself, kind to yourself and, above all, release yourself from what you are not accountable.

Treat your-Self as you would a good friend.

 

 

GUILT AND SHAME 

THE TOXIC CHALLENGES ON THE TRIAD OF LOVE #3

“It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.”  William Ernest Henley

SETTING THE STAGE

"You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete." Buckminster Fuller

“Be willing to give up who you are - the old familiar - for who you might become, to reach that which is beyond you.” Rev N. of Braztlav

“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.” Marcus Aurelius

The Talmud teaches that s/he who has no evil inclination or shadow cannot do perfect service. The challenge is to take on the commitment to change. We need to alter the thought process which is perpetuating a problem that does not have to exist and is aggravating it.

"I think, therefore I am." Descartes

As you think it so it can be, as you believe it so it will be.

“The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts.” Marcus Antonius

 The soul becomes dyed with the color of its thoughts.” Marcus Aurelius 

Thoughts are one thing, words are another. 

"We don't see things as they are, we see things as we are." The Talmud

Words empower our thoughts.

In the beginning was the word. Before the word came the intention and the thought. Words said allowed or written have a greater power to actualize than just a thought. The Ancestors' mantra as you think it so it can be ... is true but if you add to this wisdom ... as you think it so it can be, as you empower it with words and believe it so it will be ... the energy in words takes the thought to a higher level. We cannot avoid negative thoughts but we should try to avoid saying the words out allowed that make the thought more powerful. There are those that perseverate on negative conversations who eventually become their own negative story. Their words become imbedded in their subconscious and create their reality.

“What we speak becomes the house we live in.” Hafiz

“Keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts  become your words.  Keep your words positive because your words become your behavior. Keep your behavior positive because your behavior becomes your habits. Keep your habits positive because your habits become your values. Keep your values positive because your values become your destiny.” M.Gandhi

We all do bad things but that doesn’t make us bad. Feeling bad about ourselves decreases self-motivation and control and make for less accountability and more "badness." It puts our higher consciousness in lock down and we become stuck in survival mode. 

“No matter how you stir a pot of filth it is always a pot of filth. Better to let the pot be and string pearls for the sake of heaven.” Chassidic saying 

“To confront a person with his own shadow (evil inclination) is to show him his own light.” C.G. Jung

We have a choice; whether to have a hopeless, head down, apathetic, anxious or depressed and dejected mind set, or the opposite. Seligman, the master of positive psychology, showed that learned helplessness could be unlearned

If you would dispel the darkness, seek the sacred.

"If you do not what to see the shadow, turn your face to the sun." Aboriginal saying

"No matter how long the night, the dawn is sure to come." African proverb

However, ...

… We must support emotionally without condoning. We must acknowledge what is wrong so as not to impair conscience. Acting contrary to conscience is different from justifying and rationalizing a wrong doing. The latter compounds, not merely worsens. It influences and endangers future decisions and actions.

We must be kind and be a good friend to ourselves but not condone or enable or allow for any codependency with others. We are responsible for but are not our actions. We need to correct or make amends for anything unskillful we have done.

And if your friend does evil to you, say to him, “I forgive you for what you did to me, but how can I forgive you for what you did to yourself?”  Nietzsche

 God forgives and so we must too - our-Selves. For what we have done to others we must ask for forgiveness.

“To err is human, to forgive Divine”

The Field, our guides, Jesus and the Creator will reward us for having the courage to overcome the suffering of shame. The mantra "Jesus died for our sins (and also those done to us as they were done to him) is a powerful one."

We will be forgiven and released for and from what we have done to ourselves and what others have done to us that may or may not have created shame. 

We need to shift the blame to where it belongs!

Release yourself from what you are not accountable.

Remember that you are made not for brokenness and sorrow but for wholeness and for joy. 

We are all capable of rising like a Phoenix out of the ashes. Every bad experience can be alchemized into an opportunity. Furthermore, anyone that rises out from the bottom of the barrel of darkness and sorrow has the potential to be more spiritually powerful than those who have been fortunate enough not to have been there. When we are knocked down and get up - if it did not kill us - it should make us stronger - not weaker. Its not what happens to us but what we do with it that counts. Everything is a test of our karmic potential. 

We need to beware of the  company that we keep - even what may appear to be neutral or harmless, may not be - those spiritual vampires that can pull us down.

Be careful of what you taste and where you immerse.

Anyone or anything that does not make you more of who you are makes you less of who you are.

And so, what are you doing in the wrong circle.

The Man With a Corpse on His Back 

"When you die to the old life you must bury it well or you'll stumble on with the corpse of your old self strapped to your back. Bury it well and do your grieving. Set right what can be set right with those you hurt and those who hurt you. Give up the souls you've stolen. Reclaim what was stolen from you. Then walk on and don't look back. 

Others will dig up your corpse, Not only enemies and abandoned lovers, but your very best friends. They'll exhume your bag of bones and lash it to your shoulders to prove you haven't changed. You'll be dragged down and back. You'll need a second wake, a second burial..." Robert Moss