GRIEF #3

REGRET, REMORSE, GUILT AND SHAME

Its useful to look at semantics to help assign the level of grief we may be experiencing.

REGRET

means we wish we had done things differently.

A criminal may have regrets about being caught but has no remorse. S/he regrets only that he did not succeed.

We say 'regrets' when it comes to invitations but may not have even cared to attend the event.

Regret is about oneself and may not be associated with remorse or with grief.

REMORSE

is usually about what we have done to another and can be severe. It may create guilt which causes more suffering.

Remorse should inspire an apology and restitution. It should be sincere and come from the heart in order to restore the soul to its rightful place.

Hopefully it should move one not to repeat something similar in the future.

GUILT

implies one did something wrong but you yourself may,

or may not be bad. It can be associated with regret or remorse. Remorse should require reconciliation to try and correct the wrong.

To err is human, to forgive Divine.

When we consider forgiveness it must first begin with forgiving oneself. God/Jesus will forgive us for anything we have done to the Self made in His image. However, if we have wronged another this will require asking them for forgiveness.

Guilt can lead to shame as can Self-Condemnation and Self-recrimination where shame can take over. Guilt and especially shame can result in a higher level of grief and suffering. Shame can cause soul sickness or even soul loss. Shame especially, and sometimes guilt, can make us believe that we are bad.

Regret and remorse are not about feeling that you are bad, only that your actions were unskillful.

We are responsible for but are not our actions.

"Self-condemnation strengthens guilt which is one of the greatest impediments on the path to enlightenment." Yoga wisdom

Belief that one is bad and belief that one is out of control

makes one more so!

One should not magnify. Guilt can turn into shame.

Guilt and less commonly shame can helps us self correct but otherwise they will dibilitate.

It is much harder to forgive oneself when there is shame.

"Shame is an acutely self-conscious state in which the self is 'split' by contrast in guilt the self is unified." J. L. Herman

If Herman is talking about the small self or ego that is true but not if he means the Higher Self or Soul. The soul is always unified and pure as is the breath which comes from the Creator. We are all constantly being animated by the breath of the Creator and have the potential to attain a level of purity.

When there is shame the soul, which is pure, can separate from the impure body causing soul sickness or even soul loss. This happens when our Ego or self-cherishing subordinates the Higher Self, our Evil Inclination or Shadow overcomes our Good Inclination and when Monkey Mind dominates Big Mind. Tricksters and our Guides also have a hand in which will prevail.

Self-condemnation, Self-recrimination go beyond Regret, Remorse and Guilt and may mean 

we may feel bad about who we are.  

This is where Shame can step in. Shame can be a crippling emotional force. This can lead to a downward spiral and can be reflected in the body's facial expression; a lowered head, downcast eyes, changes in the voice and a slack posture.  

If it is associated with humiliation it can be more toxic to the soul. The Sympathetic nervous system which is responsible for Fight or Flight can now go into override and submit to Freeze or Feign Death.